1. The Brokaw Meter
Six vacations in a row he’s canceled for breaking stories. Is he reporting the news or causing it?
2. Lenny Henry
Britain’s answer to Flip Wilson.What was the question?
3. The Barbara Bush Golf Tour
The President said the First Lady’s golf game ”stunk.” Life is a sand trap, George.
4. Barton Fink
It won the top three awards at Cannes, but not to worry. It’s still a good movie.
5. Transplanting the wrong heart
But the lawyer they got it from is doing fine without it.
6. Aerosmith’s Record Deal
This should settle a lot of bar bets. Steve Tyler’s lips are worth $15 million apiece.
7. The Emmys
TV patting itself on the back when it should be getting the Heimlich maneuver.
8. Don Mattingly’s Hair
It’s the city. New York does to the Yankees exactly what it does to new cars.
9. Three Blind Mice
How the networks committed suicide. Another industry destroyed by its own ”experts.”
10. Alan Parker
I hope he never opens a travel agency. He’s made The Commitments’ Dublin look like the South Bronx.
11. Planet Hollywood
Why review the food when it’s the gift shop that should get four stars?
12. Billy Preston
The police say the fifth Beatle let his feelers wander. Thank God he wasn’t a praying mantis.
13. Check that Résum]a e]
Tim Allen, star of Home Improvement, forgot to mention he spent 28 months in prison. Isn’t that like forgetting you were in the Army?
14. Woodstock Reunion
Twenty-two years later, people still show up. And they thought their parents lived in the past.
15. James Garner
He told NBC to kiss off when it tried to butt in on his new program. What does he know about having a hit TV show?