1. Presidential Approval Rating
If it gets any lower, Nixon could beat Bush.
2. Bill Clinton
Rumors of womanizing won’t hurt him as much as winning the Doogie Howser look-alike contest.
3. Golden Globes
It warms the heart to see a $5 million actor slobber over a $25 trophy. Wonder what they’d do for $50.
4. Princess Fergie
A few pictures of her in a bathing suit and they act as if Andy had married Madonna. Lighten up.
5. Rebecca De Mornay
Doing for nannies what Joan Crawford did for mothers.
6. Milky Way II
Oxymoron of the year: ”light” candy bars.
7. The Worst-Dressed List
Mr. Blackwell should pick on people his own size, but it’s hard to find anyone that small and shriveled.
8. Super Gays
Marvel’s Northstar comes out of the closet. Will he ”out” Batman and Robin?
9. Step Forward
Susan Webb’s manual on what is and what isn’t sexual harassment. You want to read it at my place or yours?
10. Emilio Estevez & Paula Abdul
They’ll never have to worry about rocket science creeping into the conversation.
11. In Living Color at Halftime
At Halftime Could be a big hit. But then, I’d rather watch a test pattern than a first-half rehash.
12. J. Fred Muggs Brouhaha
Today didn’t invite the 39-year-old, 175-pound chimp to its 40th anniversary. Joe Garagiola was afraid they might do a Jane Pauley on him.
13. Aspen’s Tatou
Gossip-column heaven. A good ski instructor is worth two good publicists.
14. Addams Family Lawsuit
Never has the phrase ”cut of the gross” been so apropos.
15. Grand Canyon
Nothing more than ”Yuppiz N the Hood.” John Singleton did it first and better.