1 Michael Jackson’s skin
This was national news for days. And we think he’s weird.
2 Bill Murray
He makes a good living doing exactly what our teachers said would make us amount to nothing.
3 Christian Slater
Playing a busboy who thinks he has a baboon’s ticker in Untamed Heart. They couldn’t get Jerry Lewis?
4 TV news standards
We need some right away. Bribe someone, if you have to.
5 Ronco’s Hair System
Spray paint for your balding head. If you didn’t have to wear a dropcloth, no one could tell.
The very popular story of Alex Haley’s grandmother. If only it had had a happier beginning. And middle. And end.
7 Earring Magic Ken
We can see what’s coming: a nose stud and butt tattoo for Barbie.
8 The Grammys
Male, female, duo or group, rock, metal, R&B, rap. What’s harder, winning or figuring out what category you’re in?
9 Senator Bob Packood
He’s not totally alone. Joey Buttafuoco believes him.
10 Norm and Cliff robots
But don’t robots move?
11 Janet Reno
There’s a real moral dilemma here. She may be squeaky-clean, but she is still a lawyer.
12 Electromagnetic fields
If they’re so bad, why is farming more dangerous than electrical repair?
13 The Golf Channel
Twenty-four hours a day on cable. Who came up with this? Dr. Kevorkian?
14 Clinton’s economic plan
Don’t think of it as a tax, think of it as losing a three-card monte.
15 Coke ads
Clever mini-movies made by top Hollywood directors. But can they ever outdo the genius who wrote ”Uh-huh”?