1 The Academy Awards
L.A.’s brightest night of the year. Until the next Rodney King verdict.
2 The New York Post
Laughing all the way to the bankruptcy.
3 Indecent Proposal
Billionaire Robert Redford wants another man’s wife. How realistic is this? Most billionaires look like Larry ”Bud” Melman.
4 Johny Depp
Starring in Benny & Joon, another story of alienation. At least this time his nearest relative isn’t a Swiss army knife.
5 Fred Savage
A 16-year-old accused of sexual harassment by a 32-year-old woman. A stretch of her imagination — or his?
6 Married to It
A romantic comedy or a Stephen King sequel?
7 The Barbara Walters special
The World Series of softball questions. Her interviews make regular celebrity fawning look harsh.
8 Woody and Mia
Both their inner children should be taken out and spanked.
Fox’s new series about life in an artsy, trendy New York neighborhood. It was originally called Overexposure.
10 Born Yesterday
You’d have to be to enjoy Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith in this remake.
11 The Wild West
A good history lesson. Dodge City in its prime was almost as dangerous as an inner-city high school is today.
12 Barbarians at the Gate
HBO hopes to make a lot of money from this story of rapacious greed in the ’80s.
13 Siskel vs. Ebert
Gene gave away the secret to The Crying Game and Roger nearly bit his head off. Lucky he wasn’t hungry.
14 Boris Yeltsin
Holding on to the presidency by his fingernails. The worst part? He can’t let go to get a drink.
15 Hear No Evil
Marlee Matlin is fine, it’s the script that’s challenged.