1 DAMN YANKEES Does the Broadway musical hold up after 40 years? Better than the team does.
2 KATHLEEN SULLIVAN When did losing weight start making you famous?
3 KURT COBAIN After being in a coma, doctors say, he will return to his normal self. That’s the best they can do.
4 THE HUDSUCKER PROXY A kindhearted mail-room clerk becomes the head of a huge corporation by accident. Ahhh, The Gerald Ford Story.
5 GRACE ”SHOTGUN” SLICK Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the water bed.
6 WHITE HOUSE CHEFS The Clintons want someone who can cook American food, like pizza and tacos.
7 THE REF Denis Leary kidnaps a constantly yammering couple. Who’d he get — Dan Rather and Connie Chung?
8 Sirens Calendar girl Elle Macpherson stars in her first film. Surprise! She can move faster than a month at a time.
9 JASON ALEXANDER Seinfeld, pretzel commercials, and now he’s the voice of Duckman. But it’s not overexposure until he does an exercise video.
10 LIGHTNING JACK Paul Hogan raised money for his film by listing it on the Australian stock market. Blue chips or bull chips?
11 SOUL TRAIN AWARDS Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston will perform together. Great. What does he do, again?
12 32 CENT STAMP It’s a bargain. In most countries it costs twice that much to have your mail lost.
13 PENTAGON SMOKING BAN If they’re going to prohibit things bad for soldiers, shouldn’t war be high on the list?
14 THE BEATLES RERECORDING Their big competition from Liverpool will be Gerry with a pacemaker.
15 ST. PATRICK’S DAY School cafeterias love it: It gets rid of that green bologna.