What the country is talking about this week…
1 Fabio I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! has just signed him. What a refreshing concept — a spokesperson who can’t speak.
2 O.J.’s Book He says it’s an answer to his fan mail. All I got from Jodie Foster was an 8 by 10 glossy.
3 Oscar Host Search Maybe if we all concentrate very hard Richard Gere will do it.
4 Cosmo Kramer’s long-hidden first name. Maybe now they’ll answer this: How come Jerry never locks his door?
5 California floods You don’t have to ”get back to nature.” It comes right through your living room.
6 Whispering to Connie Chung The equivalent to shouting on a party line.
7 Prince Charles Caught kissing the royal nanny. One letter away from what he expects us commoners to do.
8 Kim Basinger The New York Times says she spends 30 grand a month on her hair and clothes, among other things. Hey, you want to look good in bankruptcy court.
9Immortal Beloved The movie bio of Beethoven. How did he ever make it in the music business without a video?
10 Balanced Budget Amendment Here’s a little trick Congress can use: If it’s within 20 bucks, it’s balanced.
11 Tom Snyder After 13 years, he returns to late-night television. But he’s going head-to-head with the Juiceman.
12 Star Trek: Voyager The captain is a woman. At least she has been since that transporter malfunction.
13 Jerry Lewis on Broadway As if we needed more proof the gateway to Hell is somewhere in midtown Manhattan.
14 Marilyn Monroe Stamp Not a good idea. Men keep licking the wrong side.
15 Get Smart In the new version, Secret Agent Don Adams has bumbled his way to the top. As if that could really happen in the government.