Mel Gibson leads tribal warriors in the Scottish highlands. Mad Macs.
2 Connie Chung
It she’s such a great reporter, why was she the last to know?
3 John Wilkes Booth
They want to open his tomb and see who’s there. Is this, like, a Weekend at Bernie’s kind of thing?
Just one tip for the friendly ghost: Don’t take any career advice from Patrick Swazye.
5 Diane Sawyer
She’s landed the first Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie interview. Do they split household chores? Like ringing the maid and calling the cook?
Why didn’t anyone stop them from acting like nitwits in Washington? Maybe they thought they were congressmen.
7 Madonna’s Mercedes
She’s putting it on the auction block. It gets great mileage — it goes all the way on one tank of gas.
8 Johnny Mnemonic
Keanu Reeves is a human ”computer.” I’m afraid to ask what he uses for a mouse.
9 Jay Leno
He admits he’s written jokes for Bill Clinton. Whew. I thought he was writing the speeches.
10 Mad Love
Drew Barrymore and Chris O’Donnell. It makes those Frankie and Annette movies look deep and well crafted.
11 The Lexus Tax
The trade war with Japan could double the price of some luxury cars. Not to worry, imported drugs and guns will still be cheap.
12 The $16 Million Diamond
Is Liz missing an earring?
13 Pamela Anderson
The Baywatch star concedes she’s had plastic surgery. I thought her nose looked a little too perfect.
14 Elizabeth Hurley
She says 70 percent of the people she’s met in Hollywood are horrible. Must be down from the usual 95 percent.
15 Rush Limbaugh
Some of his listeners aren’t happy with his new line of neckties. They clash with militia uniforms.