1 Apollo 13
Tom Hanks stars in the true story of a moon mission gone awry. Damn it, we needed those rocks.
2 Melanie Griffith/Antonio Banderas
Hollywood’s hot romance. His friends are so relieved. They were afraid he’d get involved with an actress.
3 Judge Dredd
Sylvester Stallone as futuristic one-man judge and jury. He’s taking over the job from Rush Limbaugh.
4 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
You want me to take the kids to this? I’d rather be an O.J. juror.
Stores say they can’t keep Chanel’s campy blood-black nail polish in stock. Those undead, they’re sooooo trendy.
6 National Parks
Some in Congress say budget cuts won’t change a thing. The Grand Canyon will still be open Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
7 Jim Carrey
He may get $20 million to star in Cable Guy. It sounds like a lot, but he gets only $12.95 a month.
8 Singled Out
The MTV show where you pick your date from the audience. You’ll have one thing in common — no pride.
A documentary about a drag fest. There’s only one thing sillier than men in women’s clothes — men in golf attire.
10 Luther Campbell
The leader of 2 Live Crew who made millions with his dirty mouth is now broke. You live by the S-word, you die by the S-word.
11 The Secret Service
They wore rubber gloves while in the presence of gay visitors to the White House. Oooh, kinky!
12 Hee Haw
Going off the air after 26 years. Those ultrasophisticated bass-fishing shows stole their audience.
13 Liz Taylor
She’s getting another hip replacement. She won’t be able to do anything for weeks. Big change, huh?
14 Richard Gere
The actor says he’s buying a hut in India. Let’s hope he doesn’t go all Hollywood on us and buy a goat.
15 Fast-Food Movie Tie-Ins
Sorry, son, but you can’t have that burger. It’s rated PG-13.