1 Hillary’s Column
The First Lady managed to get a press pass. She had to pretend she was biased and ill-informed.
I’m thinking of seeing it. Heard anything?
3 Knicks Tickets
Spike Lee and Woody Allen now have to fork over $86,000 for a pair of courtside season seats. The audience is as overpaid as the players.
4 Affirmative Action
Remember, it’s discrimination to give people advantages they don’t deserve. And if you don’t believe it, you’re out of the will, Junior.
5 The Net
Sandra Bullock stars in a cyberspace action adventure. All the thrills and chills of typing really fast.
6 Mary *%! Moore”]
Her expletives had to be deleted from Letterman. If I want to hear talk like that, I’ll go to a music store.
Westinghouse wants to buy the network. Obviously, it doesn’t watch it either.
8 Joanne Whalley-Kilmer”]
She and Batman have ”irreconcilable differences.” Is that a euphemism for ”she wouldn’t wear the Catwoman outfit”?
ER’s cast was nominated; Home Improvement’s Tim Allen wasn’t. Guess he’ll have to get careless with a power saw.
He’s leaving Chicago Hope to spend more time with his family. Hasn’t he heard of nepotism?
11 Ivana Trump
Donald says the $8 million yacht she bought is worth only $4 mil. Well, what couple doesn’t fight about money?
12 Alicia Silverstone
The Clueless star wants to be taken seriously and do Shakespeare. If she gets script approval.
13 Princess Di
She took the kids bowling on their Colorado vacation. She had to. There was no pool at the Motel 6.
14 La Toya
She’s broke. And Streisand won’t take her gambling.
15 Paul McCartney
He sent his razor back to Gillette to protest animal testing. I’m against it too. It spoils the flavor.
”Women who are just concerned with their own beauty are clueless. It saddens me that it’s so much about how you look, how you dress, and how you appear. I think there’s a million girls in the world way more beautiful than me. But I can carry a film.”
Clueless star Alicia Silverstone on who she believes is truly clueless