1 Julie Andrews is back on broadway in Victor/Victoria. It’s not that hackneyed boy meets girl. It’s that hackneyed boy is girl.
2 In Fair Game, Cindy Crawford proves she can walk and shoot a gun at the same time. If only she didn’t spin around every three steps.
3 In The Mouse With The Ear On Its Back, geneticists plan to raise them for transplants. You can hear better and solve the maze at the same time.
4 Home For the Holidays is Thanksgiving at the Dysfunctionals. Is it me, or does turkey bring out the worst in us?
5 James Brown No wonder he calls himself the Godfather of Soul. Who’d want to see ”the Alleged Wife Beater of Soul?”
6 The Tyson-Mathis Fight was canceled by Mike due to a hand injury. Since when was he planning to use two hands to beat Buster?
7 Poet/Actress Maya Angelou: Who is someone you’ll never see on Jeopardy?
8 Talk Shows: Politicians should thank their lucky stars they talk about sex — instead of term limits and campaign-finance reform.
9 Turns out, Disney’s Powder was directed by a child molester. They’ll probably pass on his next project — Wee Willie’s Winkie.
10 Joel West, Calvin Klein’s underwear model, sure makes those briefs look sexy. Gimme a dozen, size 42.
11 Kathie Lee says she wants to spend more time with her family. Poor dear. She has to work four jobs to make ends meet.
12 Grand Funk Railroad, the ’70s rockers, are trying for a comeback. Who keeps forgetting to turn off the time warp?
13 Quebec Why can’t Canada be more like America? Why can’t they hate each other in English, the way we do?
14 Boris Yeltsin has been hospitalized with heart problems again. It wasn’t getting enough alcohol.
15 The Elvis Mastercard comes in handy when you’re buying Cadillacs for all your friends.