A.J. Jacobs
October 04, 1996 AT 04:00 AM EDT

If Ellen Morgan does come out, maybe she’ll open the floodgates for other suspected closet cases.

— Chandler and Joey (Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc), Friends: They bicker, they sweet-talk, they pine for each other — if these guys aren’t more than Friends, then I’m Marcel’s uncle.

— Niles (David Hyde Pierce), Frasier: All those psychiatry classes and he still can’t figure it out?

— Richard (Malcolm Gets), Caroline in the City: The ultra-sensitive painter makes Niles look straight.

— Odo (Rene Auberjonois), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The ex-shape shifter should have come out of the closet as a gay man, a lesbian — heck, he could’ve been the dang closet!

— Superman (Dean Cain), Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman: Forget Lois and The Daily Planet; we think this buff hunk should be working with Louis at The Advocate.

— Fran (Fran Drescher), The Nanny: We all know that she of the miniskirts and nasal retorts is from Queens; the secret could be that she is a queen. A drag queen.

— Kay Howard (Melissa Leo), Homicide: Life on the Street: Give this woman a reason for that wardrobe.

— The entire cast of Baywatch. Call it Gaywatch.

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