A.J. Jacobs
October 18, 1996 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Hey, rockers! Want to appeal to the kids nowadays? Simply wipe that smile off your face, suck in your cheeks, and throw out anything from the Gap. Apparently enamored of that demigod of grunge chic, Kurt Cobain (not to mention Calvin Klein’s sullen CKbe clan), label tastemakers have remade assorted popsters into pallid poseurs. Note the following makeover math.

[Bryan Adams before] + [Kurt Cobain] = [Bryan Adams after]

With a little help from Cobain, clean-cut Canuck Bryan Adams no longer looks like a frat brother in Sigma Chi. Now he looks like someone they’d beat up.

[Sheryl Crow before] + [Kurt Cobain] = [Sheryl Crow after]

Evidently, Sheryl no longer wants to have some fun. Her SoCal party girl look morphs into something — appropriately enough — out of The Crow.

[Susanna Hoffs before] + [Kurt Cobain] = [Susanna Hoffs after]

Susanna Hoffs’ ”Manic Monday” gives way to Depressive Tuesday. The former Bangle leaves the Debbie Gibson Academy for a visit to Camp Kurt.

[Courtney Love before] + [Sandra Bullock] = [Courtney Love after]

Always the rebel, aspiring film star Courtney Love bucks the trend. Taking a cue from button-cute Sandra Bullock, she actually buttons her blouse.

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