(Not So) Brave New World | EW.com

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(Not So) Brave New World

Computer Programming

Now that America Online has hired former NBC wunderkind Brandon Tartikoff to create new programming, how long can it be before other network heavy hitters — like, say, onetime ABC honcho Fred Silverman and schlockmeister producer Aaron Spelling — launch their own Internet careers? Here’s a peek at one night’s prime-time lineup should those three ever meet up in cyberspace.

Bob Strauss

[NET-HEADS] Tartikoff

[8PM] FAMILY LIES
The Family Ties cast reunites in cyberspace, with Michael J. Fox as an AOL fanatic who pretends to be a 13-year-old Des Moines hooker.

[8:30PM] THE GOLDEN GRRRLS
Three elderly Web-page designers field E-mail queries about domain-name registration, bandwidth traffic, and coping with pesky in-laws.

[9PM] WASHINGTON VICE
The online adventures of a dedicated group of sharply attired attorneys charged with enforcing the Communications Decency Act.

[NET-HEADS] Silverman

[8PM] CHARLIE’S AVATARS
Teleconferencing program for the deeply unattractive enables participants to assume the virtual IDs of Farrah Fawcett and Cheryl Ladd.

[8:30PM] EIGHT MEGABYTES IS ENOUGH
Live chats and endless photo downloads of sitcom stars Dick Van Patten, Joyce DeWitt, and Pam Dawber.

[9PM] JIGGLE THEATER
Heaving, silicone-enhanced breasts come alive on the Web thanks to Shockwave plug-in software. Hosted by Suzanne Somers.

[NET-HEADS] Spelling

[8PM] DEEP SPACE, 90210
West Beverly High’s senior class is taken hostage by Cardassians; daily interactive polls determine time and method of execution.

[8:30PM] TICKLE ME TORI
The heiress to the Spelling fortune (and current UN ambassador) answers E-mail queries about hair care and international politics.

[9PM] THE MODELS OF SAVANNAH PLACE
Cyber-contestants splice together random video clips and attempt to sell the finished results to UPN.