Tragic Notes |


Tragic Notes

With "Titanic" breaking box office records ($308 million domestic), its soundtrack at No. 1 on the Billboard Pop Albums chart,

and a book about the making of the film at the top of the New York Times nonfiction paperback best-seller list, it’s no wonder that others are trying to cash in on the phenomenon. Straight-to-video documentaries, historical books and even a cookbook (“Last Dinner on the Titanic”) have been rushed into stores.

But 1997’s Rhino Records release “Titanic: Music As Heard On The Fateful Voyage” (performed by the White Star Orchestra) takes things to a whole new depth. A promotional sticker on the CD describes its 23 songs as “New Recordings of the Actual Music That Kept the Passengers’ Spirits Alive as the Luxury Liner Reached its Final Doom!” Fans of the flick can go home, turn on their stereos and get that sinking feeling while listening to such songs as “Shine On Harvest Moon.”

In case this CD begins a new trend of morbid movie merchandising, we at EW Online hereby offer our suggestions for future products:

The “As Good As It Gets” Rubik’s Lock – If you’ve ever wanted an obsessive-compulsive ritual like the ones that control Melvin (Jack Nicholson), this puzzling door lock system is for you. Discover the exact pattern of bolts and latches that must be turned and tweaked before you can either enter or leave your apartment. (Comes with 50 bars of soap, because those locks are crawling with germs.)

“Great Expectations” Scare-the-Dickens Halloween Make-Up Kit – There’s a new spook in town, and it’s Anne Bancroft’s character in this literary update. Obsessed by her long-gone wedding ceremony where the groom jilted her, Bancroft’s character wanders through her decaying mansion, slathered in outrageous, crusty white makeup. Kids can get in on this fright act with their very own ghostly Pan-Cake make-up and a trick-or-treat bag. Don’t wait till Halloween. Obsess about candy collection all year long!