1 Income tax
Want an easy way to simplify the form? Require members of Congress to do their own taxes.
2 The Hindenburg
There are plans to make a Titanic-like movie about the doomed zeppelin. The hard part will be making it hit an iceberg.
3 Michael Jackson
The King of Pop is a proud father. And he’s very involved — he even changes the baby’s mask.
4 Species II
A creature from another planet seduces men and then destroys them. And she’s hired Susan Carpenter-McMillan as her spokesperson.
5 The Jerry Springer Show
His distributor promises to reduce on-air fights. From now on there will be enough moon pies in the green room for everyone.
6 The face on Mars
New pictures show it was not a sculpture put there by intelligent life. It’s a Starbucks.
7 City of Angels
Seraphim Nic Cage becomes human so he can sleep with Meg Ryan. Based on The Weekly World News Book of Bible Stories.
8 Leonardo DiCaprio
They say he could ask for $25 million for his next movie. That means he could still appear in a James Cameron ”art film.”
9 The Masters
The winner gets an ill-fitting, ugly green jacket. What’s second prize — a big, wide tie?
A company plans to build a $500 million duplicate of the ship. They will offer special deals on 3/4-way tickets.
11 MTV Russia
The former Soviet republic will finally get a music-video channel. Who needs food when you can have ITALIC “Beavis and Butt-head”]?
12 New $20 bill
It’s been redesigned to make it harder to counterfeit. And easier to use in candy machines.
The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests time-outs as an alternative. Older kids who misbehave have to watch Teletubbies.
The festival’s been canceled this year. Due to a severe shortage of purple hair dye.
15 VH1’s Divas concert
15 VH1’S DIVAS CONCERT Five lady superstars share the stage. It’d be more fun if they shared a dressing room.