1 Dr. Scholl’s
The foot-care company is merging with a condom manufacturer. I really don’t want to know where those corns are.
The upcoming latest reality show films private detectives catching unfaithful spouses. Or as Jerry Springer calls it, Masterpiece Theatre.
3 The Thirteenth Floor
There are four words that describe vividly what the moviegoing public knows about this movie: ”It’s not Star Wars.”
Some parents are giving their kids breast implants for graduation. The girls are happier than the boys.
5 William Shatner
Captain Kirk has written a book, Get a Life. He’ll be signing copies at a Trekkie convention near you.
6 Susan Lucci
Finally, a daytime Emmy winner after 19 nominations. She’s going to mount it on her walker.
7 Hugh Grant
He wants to have children someday. He obviously doesn’t know any.
8 Bruce Springsteen
Sales of tickets to his show broke a box office record in New Jersey: the fewest people sickened by toxic fumes while standing in line.
9 Leaning Tower of Pisa
Engineers found a way to reverse its tilting: Drink enough grappa and it straightens up.
10 Britney Spears
Nickelodeon’s miffed she went braless at an awards show. Hell, the way she’s headed, they’re lucky she wore a top.
11 Presidential pay
It may be raised from $200,000 to $400,000 a year. But should the President really make as much as a local TV weatherman?
12 Howard Stern
He wants to debate gun control with Rosie O’Donnell. So now the NRA has Moses and Satan.
13 Cop shows
News crews can’t follow the police into your home anymore. Honey, you don’t have to vacuum so often!
14 National Spelling Bee
Watching this, you get a feeling you just don’t get from other competitions: stupid.
They’ve become the sleeper hits of many cable TV channels. They still haven’t worked for the Weather Channel, though.