1 THE MAGICAL LEGEND OF THE LEPRECHAUNS A sweeps-week grab for that much-coveted TV audience: People who wish Lucky Charms ads were longer.
2 THE INSIDER The folks at 60 Minutes can dish it out, but can they take it? Our answer is coming up right after these words from Philip Morris.
3 SMART VENDING MACHINES Imagine a Coke machine that will automatically charge more when the temperature rises. Right now they’re called movie theaters.
4 STEPHEN KING He says he’s had difficulty writing after his accident. Why couldn’t the driver have hit one of those Chicken Soup people?
5 MICHAEL JACKSON Someone stole videotapes of the pop star playing with his children. They’re so cute – they’ve got their father’s surgical masks.
6 THE BACHELOR A guy afraid of commitment has to get married to inherit $100 million. And they say athletes are paid too much.
7 LAST NIGHT The film that asks, ”What would you do if the world ended tomorrow?” Definitely not see this.
8 JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME He reportedly tore up a $2,700-a-night hotel room. His defense is ”former-star rage.”
9 THE MESSENGER: THE STORY OF JOAN OF ARC The teenager who got burned at the stake in France. And we thought they were rude to just us.
10 THE BONE COLLECTOR Denzel Washington and Angelina Jolie chase a sick serial killer. As opposed to the ”normal” kind.
11 WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE Your congressperson and senator.
12 ANNIE A few things have been changed for the new TV version of the musical. First, she’s not an orphan anymore.
13 OLD FAITHFUL WEBCAM You can watch the geyser in real time over the Internet. It’s at Arewethereyet?.com.
14 DAVID HASSELHOFF He’s leaving Baywatch after 10 years for a new show. It’s called What Do You Mean, Skin Cancer?
15 DISNEYLAND The newest one will be in Hong Kong. It’ll be fun, but an hour later you’ll want to go to a theme park again.