Sound Bites: The week's best TV Quotes | EW.com

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Sound Bites: The week's best TV Quotes

TV's funniest lines from February 18 to 24

”Jesse Ventura’s departure last week, coupled with [Donald] Trump’s, has cut the Reform Party’s number of dangerous, unqualified kooks by almost 50 percent.”
Craig Kilborn on The Late Late Show

”This week Catherine Zeta-Jones said that after she marries Michael Douglas she’s going to change her name to Catherine Zeta-Douglas. In a related story, Michael Douglas is going to change his name to ‘Creepy Old Guy.”’
Conan O’Brien The Late Show

”I’ll tell you why Sen. Jesse Helms looks a little pissed off these days. It’s because February is Black History Month–and it’s a leap year.”
Dennis Miller on The Dennis Miller Show

”The National Park Service is checking out an Internet rumor that the model for the Statue of Liberty was black. It turns out she hasn’t been standing in New York since 1886 to symbolize freedom. She’s been standing because she can’t get a cab.”
Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect