I swear on the grave of Nina Blackwood’s career: I don’t watch MTV’s ode to party mode to ogle semi-naked coeds or for those racy skits (like the one where a semi-naked chick made a human burrito with a semi-naked dude). The reason to sign up for Spring Break is to splash around in the zeitgeist, to become one with our younger generation. You get the 411 on la vida loca locales like sun-dappled Cancun. You hear the scoop on whom to lip-synch to (”My Name Is Kiiiiiid…Rock!”); what trends to embrace (um, thongs, anyone?); which celebs are happenin’ (Jerry Springer, Britney Spears, and Eminem have all frolicked on these sands). It’s nothing short of a pan-cultural kaleidoscope that poses one key question: Who are these semi-naked folks and why in criminy weren’t they on my vacation?