There are plans to make a movie about the elderly DJ’s horse-handling skills. It’s called The Dirt Whisperer.
2. GOBLET OF FIRE
The new 752-page Harry Potter book is for kids 12 to 14. They start it at 12 and finish at 14.
3. THE HUMAN GENOME
Mapping our genes will lead to cures for cancer and heart disease. But first, this breaking news — Britney Spears stubs a toe!
4. DARVA CONGER
The famous bride appears nude in the August Playboy. Her hobbies are appearing on sleazy TV shows and marrying multimillionaires.
5. DISNEY’S THE KID
Bruce Willis meets his 8-year-old self, who teaches him to be a better person. Obviously written by someone without children.
6. LEANN RIMES
She’s had to cancel her summer tour due to vocal cord problems. Caused by screaming ”Where’s all my money?” at her dad.
Watching the cast of Survivor eat out of them has made the island staple popular again. Call me when they strand 16 people in Tuscany.
8. BASIC INSTINCT 2
Sharon Stone has agreed to star for $15 million. She can afford a few pairs of underwear with that.
9. MICHAEL DOUGLAS
It’s said that he and Catherine Zeta-Jones can’t agree on a prenup. She didn’t fall for the candle-lit lawyer’s office with strolling notaries.
10. DAVID LETTERMAN
He reportedly doesn’t like to have too many lawyers in his studio audience. It’s hard for the other people to clap with one hand on their wallets.
11. ANNA KOURNIKOVA
She’s not famous just because she’s pretty. She’s famous because she can beat Jennifer Lopez and Elizabeth Hurley at tennis.
12. GEORGE CLOONEY
People’s most eligible bachelor. Couldn’t get Prince William to pose for a cover, huh?
13. ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
He says it’s no fun being in prison. Really? And after you hear so many good things about it.
14. MEG RYAN & DENNIS QUAID
They’ve split after nine years of marriage. In Hollywood, that’s a golden anniversary.
15. DON HEWITT
The 77-year-old producer has signed on to helm 60 Minutes for four more years. Even though Mike Wallace thinks he’s too young.