Bruce Fretts
August 03, 2000 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Gervase is booted off ”Survivor”

In the end, Gervase was the only one who wasn’t surprised by the latest episode of CBS’ ”Survivor.” Forget all those Internet rumors; the basketball coach won’t be quitting his job at the YMCA and bringing a million bucks back to New Jersey. The latest victim of the dreaded ”alliance,” Gervase was booted by Richard, Rudy, Susan, Kelly, and Sean (unwittingly casting what host Jeff Probst politely termed a ”death vote” for the second week in a row).

But Gervase saw it coming. Even though he shared the slice of pizza he got for winning the balancing on bamboo poles race, he knew he’d be targeted. Before the tribal council meeting, he even dubbed himself ”Bull’s-eye.” I might’ve picked a different body part to represent a guy who’s fathered four children out of wedlock. In fact, I’ve started to think of all the remaining Survivors in terms of a telltale body part.

RICHARD has been renamed in late-night monologues as ”the naked fat guy,” so he’s defined by his gut. Yet his girth didn’t prevent him from triumphing in this week’s immunity challenge, which involved quickly building a fire with driftwood.

RUDY is represented by his spleen, which he’s constantly venting. At least he doesn’t discriminate — he hates everybody. ”I’ll probably never see these people again,” he predicted of his fellow castaways last night. ”That’s the way I want it.”

SUSAN revealed that she does have a brain. She may not be able to spell names (although she came shockingly close with ”Gervis”), but it’s all part of her master plan. ”My strategy all along has been to play the part of the dumb redneck,” she confessed to the camera. She’s done it brilliantly.

KELLY seems to be growing a heart. Although she voted with her former allies against Gervase, it was apparently an accident. The 22 year old said she felt like Luke Skywalker crossing over to the dark side when she joined Richard’s nefarious conspiracy. ”Making a deal with Rich is like making a deal with the devil,” she concluded.

COLLEEN is identified by her hairstyle. Her pixie-ish ‘do is always perfectly tousled. Don’t be surprised if she shows up in a shampoo commercial soon.

SEAN has become known for his pierced nipple, but after his ill conceived, now abandoned ”alphabetical strategy” ended up pissing everybody off, Susan astutely told him that he needed to ”get some balls.” Luckily, she’s probably got a pair to spare.

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