Sure, only one castaway took home a million bucks, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t more winners on that island! Here, EW raises a coconut to the victors of our own Survivor awards.
SAFEST BUG HIDEOUT
Colleen’s leg sores
THE RON POPEIL AWARD FOR USELESS INVENTIONS
Sean, for Superpole 2000 and his bowling alley
WORST P.R. FOR PUDDING
Susan’s ear-stabbing pronunciation of tapioca
LEAST SEXY COME-ON
Sean asking his masseuse, ”My ass look as bony as it feels?”
MOST UNSETTLING CINEMATIC ALLUSION
Surely naked Richard’s practice of sitting around with his li’l Richie hidden between his crossed legs was a tip o’ the crotch to The Silence of the Lambs’ Buffalo Bill.
The Pagong rice, after B.B. washed his shirt in the kettle
THE RICHARD HATCH ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT AWARD
Susan’s hubby, Tim
Richard wondering how Rudy will react to his homosexuality…intercut with footage of the SEAL throwing a knife
MOST UNEXPECTED SIGN OF A SOUL
Susan crying that she’s not going to ”f—” over her new best friend Kelly
MOST PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE NOMINATION
Sean’s vote for ”Cooleen”
ANGELINA JOLIE AWARD FOR UNSETTLING SIBLINGS
Greg and his nonsense-spouting, face-contorting sister
THE TELL-IT-LIKE-IT-IS AWARD
Colleen on Richard: ”Go home and go get your liposuction and go catch more fish, ‘cause you’re bugging me.”
BEST VICTORY DANCE
Richard, after winning the fire-building challenge. Now when people say ”dance with the devil,” you’ll know the steps.
Teacher Gretchen writing her nomination for Joel with a backward J
SPARTACUS AWARD FOR BEST LOVE SCENE
Rudy lotioning up Richard
BEST ADVERTISEMENT FOR HOLISTIC MEDICINE
Dr. Sean’s alphabetical voting strategy
THE ”AND WHAT RELIGION IS THAT?” AWARD
Rudy, for saying ”The only reason I’d bring a Bible is if — I mean, I’m religious too — if I needed toilet paper”
”Oh, yeah, we’re styling,” said Joel as he gnawed on a rat.