1. MEN ARE FROM MARS …
They’re going to make a musical of the best-selling advice book. You’ll just have to wait for the all-singing, all-dancing Sugar Busters!
2. ALMOST FAMOUS
A 15-year-old reporter was trapped on tour with a rock band in the ’70s. His name? Walter Cronkite.
3. VIOLENT VIDEOGAMES
From now on you have to be 17 or older to buy one from Kmart or Wal-Mart. And dateless.
4. THE MODERN OLYMPICS
The guy who can sit on the sofa through the most Up Close and Personals wins.
5. FARM AID
Once again, musicians try to help family farmers from losing their shirts. Fine, but when’s someone going to organize Dotcom Investor Aid?
It turns out ratings are better without Kathie Lee. Even Cody and Cassidy are watching now.
7. CHELSEA’S BOYFRIEND
Seems she’s dating a 21-year-old White House intern. Who isn’t?
Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis try to win a karaoke contest. The bad news: They’re up against Milli Vanilli.
9. BOBBY KNIGHT
The Indiana basketball coach got the ax. Which he promptly used on a player.
10. BRITNEY SPEARS
A lot of folks were upset with her faux striptease at MTV’s Video Music Awards. None of them, however, were men.
Jamie Foxx plays a crook who must work a scam with the police to get out of jail. Not, as many people think, the sequel to A Perfect Storm.
There’s only one thing keeping thousands of American tourists from pouring into the place: You can’t get there in a Winnebago.
13. DESTINATION MIR
One winner from this reality show will be sent to the Russian space station Mir for a month. The losers have to stay for two months.
14. GEENA DAVIS
You’re telling me she wore a see-through dress to the Emmys? So … I don’t have X-ray vision?
15. SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING
If flashing a word for a millisecond works, let’s teach high school Spanish that way.