Jessica Shaw
October 13, 2000 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Now that’s chutzpah! In his upcoming flick The Order, Belgian brute Jean-Claude Van Damme ducks police by posing as — we are not making this up — a bearded Hasidic Jew. Though he won’t be spouting much Hebrew — ”The most he’ll have to do is say shalom,” says producer Avi Lerner — Van Damme still wins the award for biggest Semitic stretch of all time. As for his competition? Read, read!

1. Mia Farrow as Nina Marcus in Miami Rhapsody (1995). She’s kvetchy, neurotic, and sex-obsessed. Hmm, wonder where she got her motivation …

2. Melanie Griffith as Emily Eden in A Stranger Among Us (1992). The breathy blond plays a gefilte fish out of water. Throw her back. Please!

3. Warren Beatty as Benjamin ”Bugsy” Siegel (1991). About as plausible as a womanizing hairdresser.

4. Renée Zellweger as Sonia Horowitz in A Price Above Rubies (1998). She had us at ”Shalom.” Well, she had us laughing anyway.

5. Charlton Heston as Moses in The Ten Commandments (1956). ”Let my people go!” But aren’t his ”people” rifle-toting goyim?

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