Some Canadian politicians tried to keep him from entering the country. Hey, back off. It’s payback time for all those years of Celine Dion.
2. CHARLIE’S ANGELS
Three beautiful women with $300 haircuts and designer clothes fight crime. If only they all did.
3. ELTON JOHN
He says his accountants and ex-manager lost him $29 million. First he thought he’d left it in his other pants.
4. THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE
A mysterious black caddy teaches a white golfer how to win a tournament. It’s easy — only let white people play.
5. SPOCK’S EARS
Leonard Nimoy’s original pointy tips are expected to bring thousands at auction. Or you could blow the money on something stupid.
6. CHILD GENIUSES
Something tells me they didn’t become smart by watching dumb TV shows like this.
Ben & Jerry’s newest ice cream is named after Seinfeld’s bogus holiday. A much better choice than ”Sponge-Worthy.”
8. SPICE GIRLS
They’re releasing their first album in two years. It’s a stunt to get publicity for their marriages.
9. BURGER KING
The chain no longer advertises on WWF Smackdown! They’re afraid the sight of wrestling fans eating will scare away customers.
10. JACKIE BOUVIER KENNEDY ONASSIS A two-part mini-series. One hour for each name.
11. WHEN PIGS FLY
U.S. Airways says it was a huge mistake to let a hog fly in the first-class cabin. All frequent flyer upgrades will be checked from now on.
12. GARTH BROOKS
The country entertainer has announced his retirement. Before the public could do it for him.
13. THE ELECTION
Finally we’ll be rid of those endless political ads that distort the facts and get back to the regular ads that distort the facts.
14. NATALIE COLE
The stylish singer reveals her junkie past in her Angel on My Shoulder bio. Too bad it wasn’t sitting in the crook of her elbow.
15. THE X-FILES
This week Robert Patrick takes charge of Mulder’s file cabinet. First job: Clean the anal-probe drawer.