Owen Gleiberman?s worst movies of 2000
1. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
They’ve been working up to it for years, and now the Coen brothers have finally made a movie that is utterly dehumanized. In this egregious picaresque fable, George Clooney, sporting Cary Grant’s hair, Clark Gable’s mustache, and not a glimmer of their charm, plays an escaped ’30s convict who leads two fellow prisoners through a backwoods Mississippi that consists of one stultifying, goony-obvious dumb-cracker joke after another. Unwatchable.
2. Battlefield Earth
John Travolta, looking like the last alien in the universe who hasn’t heard that dreadlocks are passe, plays a cackling villain in this trashy, dumb, drably overscaled adaptation of an L. Ron Hubbard science-fiction novel. In his devotion to getting Battlefield Earth made, Travolta proved to be a cult of one.
The most excruciating teen movie in a year of very bad teen movies. Jason Biggs, minus every gram of his former baby fat, plays a sheltered country kid who goes to college in New York City and never figures out that if he wants to get laid, he should, like, take off that damned, stupid earmuffed hunting cap.
Endless, rambling ersatz art about a French police lieutenant who “investigates” a sex murder by standing around and striking gawky poses that make him look like Tobey Maguire’s Gallic uncle. Somehow, though, that title lent it…significance. It makes you wonder whether Battlefield Earth might have gotten a few rave reviews, too, if only they’d called it L’Histoire de Mankind.
5. Where The Heart Is
The dregs of the Southern-fried chick flick. Natalie Portman plays a pregnant teenager who moves into a Wal-Mart, and the baroque wackiness escalates from there. Message to Hollywood: A down-home accent doesn’t make you sincere.