Kimmi gets voted off ”Survivor”
I confess: I kinda liked Kimmi. I know it’s become fashionable to bash the Long Island bartender, but she had spunk. Or, as she so eloquently put it, she refused to ”be treated like a jerk off.” Still, that didn’t stop every single one of her Kucha teammates from jerking her clean off the continent of Australia on the latest episode of CBS’ Down Under smasheroo ”Survivor.”
Maybe it was because she made such a stink about killing mammals for food. Michael said her objections to the slaughtering of the pig and chickens were ”too theatrical” — ironic words coming from a man who makes dramatic pronouncements like, ”I’m feeling the need to shed some blood.” Or maybe it was because Kimmi just made such a stink; she admittedly avoided bathing because she found wading in the local crocodile infested waters ”gross.”
At least Kimmi didn’t go down without a fight. She and Alicia got into a finger waving argument unprecedented in its heatedness (Kimmi: ”What the hell is up your butt?” Alicia: ”I’m tired of you and the f—ing chickens!”). But this installment wasn’t just full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. We learned a lot as well. Among the illuminating lessons:
Never sleep too close to a campfire. Kucha learned this the hard way when red hot coals started popping out onto them while they were sleeping. North Carolina Netizen Jeff woke up to find one burning his shirt. The tribe moved the flames away from their encampment, causing them to freeze at night — until they won blankets from Target in a reward challenge.
Never dump fish guts in the water. According to aspiring actress Jerri, the innards should be buried in the sand, lest you end up feeding the very fish you’re trying to hook. ”It’s no wonder we haven’t been able to catch anything,” she scolded chef Keith. ”They’re all full.” If this showbiz thing doesn’t work out, maybe Jerri should look into a career in ichthyology.
A travois is a three sided stretcher. Each team had to construct one of these makeshift vehicles for the reward challenge, a triage race in which designated rescuers had to carry mock victims to safety. These may come in handy next week, if the Kuchas’ accident is as ”unthinkable” as the promos promised. (Betcha watching ”Friends” didn’t expand your vocabulary.)
Colby likes to refer to himself in the third person. After the Ogakors lost their umpteenth challenge in a row, the Texas auto customizer vented his frustration and warned the bad luck streak might mean ”a meltdown for the Colbster.” Luckily, his tribe won the immunity challenge, finding their way through a maze before he could give himself any more dorky nicknames.
If Michael had a booger hanging out of his nose, and you told him about it, he’d say ”Thank you.” At least that’s what he claimed to Kimmi after she got all defensive about his criticisms of her stench. Okay, maybe we learned a little too much.
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What lessons have you gleaned from watching ”Survivor”?