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Friends 97 THE ONE AFTER ROSS SAYS RACHEL -- W Kurland D Bright PLOT While Ross tries to undo the titular ''I do'' snafu with Emily, Monica and Chandler...Friends09/22/1994 97 THE ONE AFTER ROSS SAYS RACHEL -- W Kurland D Bright PLOT While Ross tries to undo the titular ''I do'' snafu with Emily, Monica and Chandler...2001-09-15


Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry, David Schwimmer; Series Premiere: 09/22/1994; Series Finale: 05/06/2004; Broadcaster: NBC; Status: In Season

97 THE ONE AFTER ROSS SAYS RACHEL – W Kurland D Bright PLOT While Ross tries to undo the titular ”I do” snafu with Emily, Monica and Chandler handle their postcoital awkwardness by agreeing to keep doin’ it until they get back to New York. HISTORIC MOMENT According to Rachel, we learn that Ross’ obsession with her really flourished the summer after ninth grade, when he saw her in a two-piece bathing suit. INTRODUCES The faux surname Filangie (as in Dr. Filangie, a.k.a. Phoebe, who’s stuck in New York and is desperately trying to trick Emily’s stepmom into thinking Ross has some kind of name disorder). Phoebe will trot out the moniker again in Episode 120. BEST LINE ”This is worse than when he married the lesbian.” (Ross’ mom) NEW ‘DO Chandler CRITIQUE The screwed-up nuptials give Schwimmer a chance to be at his puppy-dog-pathetic best, while the hilariously horny adventures of Monica and Chandler – who keep getting stymied in their bid to get more London sack time – add another layer of comic franticness. A

98 THE ONE WITH ALL THE KISSING – W Calhoun D Halvorson PLOT Monica and Chandler continue to flagrantly flout the Not-in-New York rule. Ross tries to woo back Emily. Rachel decides to tell Ross she’s still in love with him, prompting an exasperated Monica to insist she make all of Rachel’s decisions from now on. BEST LINE ”I’m going to go pack my ass off.” (Phoebe, who – after missing out on the London trip – wants to make the most of the group’s intended outing to Atlantic City) CRITIQUE So many gems to pick from in this episode: Chandler covering his absent-minded Monica smooches by repeatedly locking lips with Rachel and Phoebe (causing the annoyed former to dub him ”Mr. Kissy”); Phoebe’s bitterness at all the London reminiscences; Monica’s control-freakish attempts to salvage Rachel’s romantic life. The best scene, thanks to its sly mixture of moist-eyed melancholy and gut-busting guffaws, comes when Rachel finally tells Ross she still loves him (Ross’ response: ”I’m not sure what to do with that right now”) and then breaks out into gales of nervous laughter. Oh yeah, and after all that, Phoebe’s water breaks. A-

99 THE ONE HUNDREDTH – W Kauffman/Crane D Bright PLOT With Joey’s videocam in tow, the gang kicks off the show’s 100th episode with a trip to Beth Israel Medical Center, where Phoebe gives birth to her brother’s triplets. BEST LINE ”I’m, um, Phoebe Buffay and I have babies coming out of me.” (Phoebe, upon being admitted to the hospital) CRITIQUE Although it was a nice touch to offset the ”very special episode” vibe with Monica and Chandler’s first fight, the whole shebang is almost completely torpedoed by a ludicrous subPLOTinvolving an Arthur Fonzarelli-obsessed obstetrician. Luckily, Phoebe (who, in the Fonz plot’s defense, does get to use the word ”dilated-amundo”) ends the ep on a high note with her sweet interaction with the newborn trio (”Little high-fives”). B

100 THE ONE WHERE PHOEBE HATES PBS – W Curtis D Jensen PLOT Phoebe and Joey (who lands a gig on a PBS telethon) engage in the age-old ”Is there such a thing as altruism?” debate (she says yes, he says no). Ross, who’s still dealing with his postnuptial fallout, gets an ultimatum from Emily: She’ll move to New York to be with him if he promises never to see Rachel again. HISTORIC MOMENT We discover that after Phoebe’s mom Lily committed suicide, Phoebe wrote a letter to Sesame Street that went unanswered – the show sent a key chain instead. (Says Phoebe: ”By that time, I was living in a box. I didn’t have keys.”) CREATIVE CASTING Gary Collins pops up as the PBS telethon host. BEST LINE ”I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right.” (Phoebe) CRITIQUE Any episode that features a goofy Chandler dance (he’s all psyched because Monica referred to him as ”the best sex she ever had”) can’t be all bad, even if Joey’s inane shenanigans at the telethon threaten to make it so. Ross’ tortured approach to Emily’s ultimatum results in a beautifully Shakespearean denouement: An in-the-dark Rachel advises him to do whatever he has to do to make his marriage work. B+

101 THE ONE WITH THE KIPS – W Silveri D de Vally PLOT Tired of having to sneak around, Monica and Chandler decide to go away for the weekend (with disastrous results). An antacid-swigging Ross finally tells Rachel about Emily’s ultimatum. Fearing she’s the new Kip (i.e., Chandler’s old roommate who, after dating and breaking up with Monica, couldn’t be in the same room with her, thereby ostracizing him from the group), Rachel tries to get a surprisingly receptive Phoebe to start a new gang. HISTORIC MOMENT Thanks to a missing eyelash curler and a Donald Trump sighting, Joey finds out about M&C. CRITIQUEA mostly plodding affair save for two priceless frames: the look on hypercritical Monica’s face when Chandler admonishes her with ”Jeez, relax mom” and the look on Joey’s mug when he finally realizes his roomie is doing it with Ross’ sister. B

102 THE ONE WITH THE YETI – W Junge D Halvorson PLOT Emily’s coming to town, which means it’s time for Ross to follow through on his pledge to not see Rachel. Animal-lover Phoebe receives an heirloom mink coat from Phoebe Sr. Rachel starts the mating dance with the titular hairy beast, a.k.a. new downstairs neighbor Danny. INTRODUCES George Newbern (Bull) as Danny. CRITIQUE Phoebe’s fur dilemma is mildly diverting (squirrel encounters notwithstanding), but the combo of Rachel and Danny doesn’t exactly generate sparks. Only the sight of Schwimmer’s hangdog puss when he realizes he’s staring down divorce No. 2 (Emily decides she can’t ever fully trust him) helps revive things. C

103 THE ONE WHERE ROSS MOVES IN – W Perry Rein/Gigi McCreery D Halvorson PLOT After getting booted out of his sublet by Emily’s cousin, Ross bunks with Joey and Chandler. Phoebe dates Larry the health inspector. Rachel and Danny continue their flirtation. BEST LINE ”We…Will…We…Will…Call You Back.” (The message – sung to the tune of ”We Will Rock You” – that goobery Ross immediately places on Chandler and Joey’s answering machine) CRITIQUE What, no Monica and Chandler shenanigans at all? Sure, we realize the other folks need a full day in the sun now and again, but Ross’ nerdiness doesn’t really satisfy the humor jones the way M&C’s randy behavior has. C

104 THE ONE WITH ALL THE THANKSGIVINGS – W Malins D Bright PLOT It’s flashback time again, as the gang recalls their worst Thanksgivings. HISTORIC MOMENTS Turns out Fat Monica was motivated to lose all the weight after she overheard Chandler (whom she was crushing on) tell Ross: ”I don’t want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.” Back in real time, Chandler says ”I love you” to Monica (she’s wearing humongous sunglasses and a turkey carcass on her head at the time, but that’s neither here nor there). BEST LINE ”It’s not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering.” (Joey, singing the praises of the thong) NEW ‘DO Chandler, Ross CRITIQUE In addition to all the great sight gags (who could resist shots of Rachel pre-nose job, and Chandler in a goatee), the ep is chockful of juicy info: In addition to the Fat Monica revelation, we learn that Ross’ college girlfriend (and future lesbian ex-wife Carol) was on both the lacrosse and golf teams (says Ross, ”Can you believe it, she plays for both teams!”); and that Chandler is missing the top of one of his toes thanks to an errant knife wielded by a trying-to-be-seductive (but hugely failing) Monica. B+

105 THE ONE WITH ROSS’S SANDWICH – W Reich/Cohen D Halvorson PLOT Joey starts to crack under the pressure of knowing Monica and Chandler’s secret. Ross (a.k.a. ”Mental Geller”) experiences office rage after someone at work steals his post-Thanksgiving sandwich (complete with ”the moistmaker”). Phoebe and Rachel take a literature class. BEST LINE ”He takes naked pictures of us, and then he eats chicken, and then he looks at them.” (Rachel, who thinks that bucket-of-chicken-toting Joey is the one who snapped the accidentally discovered nudie shot of Monica) CRITIQUE Exploring Ross’ dark side is always a hoot, and getting a glimpse of M&C’s kinkiness (they’re also into videotaping sex, doing it on the couch, etc.) is an unexpected treat, but we certainly could have lived without Phoebe and Rachel’s paper-thin New School subplot. Still, two out of three ain’t bad. B+

106 THE ONE WITH THE INAPPROPRIATE SISTER – W Goldberg-Meehan D de Vally Piazza PLOT Ross is put on a forced sabbatical. Phoebe gets a job (complete with bell ringing) collecting Christmas donations. Rachel and Danny (who’s the one with the out-of-line sibling) finally go out on a real date. CRITIQUE Watching Ross browbeat Joey into writing a screenplay is irksome, especially since it takes away from Joey and Chandler’s far more interesting game of ”fireball” (tennis ball + lighter fluid = scorching good fun). C

107 THE ONE WITH ALL THE RESOLUTIONS – W Teleplay by Suzie Villandry; story by Brian Boyle D Joe Regalbuto PLOT Chandler resolves not to make fun of the rest of the gang for a whole week; Joey plans to learn guitar; Ross vows to do something he’s never done before every day of the New Year; Rachel swears off gossiping; Monica promises to snap more photos of the sextet; Phoebe wants to fly a jet. HISTORIC MOMENT Rachel finds out about the intra-Friend romance when she overhears M&C planning a dirty rendezvous. CRITIQUE Who knew Chandler’s forced restraint could be just as funny as his barb-zinging? Phoebe’s attempt to teach Joey how to strum also amuses. But, by far, the apex of this episode comes via Ross’ hilarious from-bad-to-worse interaction with lotion, baby powder, and a pair of tight leather pants. B+

108 THE ONE WITH CHANDLER’S WORK LAUGH – W Varinaitis D Bright PLOT Ross is taking an anger-management class (though, judging from the scone he crushes after hearing about Emily’s plans to marry someone else, he’s not exactly acing the sucker). Chandler takes Monica to an office party. Rachel tries to get Monica to fess up about her relationship with Chandler. Joey and Phoebe go see a movie in which Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan ”get mail and stuff.” HISTORIC MOMENT A clearly despondent Ross hooks up with (are you sitting down?) JANICE! CRITIQUE Monica’s win-at-all-costs approach to a tennis game with Chandler’s boss provides some major yuks, while the hook-up between Ross and Janice (who eventually breaks up with him because – get this – he’s too whiny) provides some major yecchs! B+

109 THE ONE WITH JOEY’S BAG – W Teleplay by Kurland; story by Curtis D Mancuso PLOT Rachel dresses Joey for an audition – introducing him to the ”man’s bag” concept. Phoebe’s grandma dies. HISTORIC MOMENT Phoebe finally comes face to face with her long-lost father. CREATIVE CASTING Bob Balaban (Seinfeld) as Frank Buffay Sr. CRITIQUE Phoebe’s granny dying is a downer surpassed only by the soul-sucking lethargy of Balaban’s Frank Sr. A grating appearance by Ursula, and the whole annoying man’s bag thing rounds off a truly forgettable outing. C-

110 THE ONE WHERE EVERYBODY FINDS OUT – W Junge D Lembeck PLOT The title pretty much says it all: Monica and Chandler’s relationship becomes public knowledge. HISTORIC MOMENTS We say so long to Ugly Naked Guy, who’s spotted packing up his apartment, spurring homeless Ross to make a bid for his space. Plus, we finally get to see the back of his head and naked torso. CRITIQUE Although the group discovery (which, ironically, is made from the vantage point of Ugly Naked Guy’s apartment) would have been riveting enough, the ensuing rondelet of one-upmanship (”They don’t know that we know they know we know”) between Monica and Chandler and Rachel and Phoebe (who screws with Chandler’s brain by trying to seduce him) is pure genius. A-

111 THE ONE WITH THE GIRL WHO HITS JOEY – W Chase D Bright PLOT Ross gives the thumbs-up to the M&C combo. Joey’s getting abused by his playful-punch-happy new girlfriend, Katie. Ross alienates his new buildingmates when he refuses to ante up $100 for a handyman’s retirement gift. HISTORIC MOMENT Chandler asks Monica to marry him (but, calm down, he does it for all the wrong reasons, so M makes him get up off his bended knee). CREATIVE CASTING Soleil Moon Frye as Joey’s aggressive squeeze Katie; and Willie Garson (Stanford from Sex and the City) as one of Ross’ neighbors. BEST LINE ”Can you imagine how hard she’s going to hit me when I tell her I’m taking away the Joey love?” (Joey, before breaking up with Katie) CRITIQUE The pummeling-chick shtick would be completely yawn-inducing if it weren’t for the sight gag of seeing Joey wearing six sweaters for extra padding (is it just us or does he look eerily like Fat Monica that way?). The pariah Ross stuff, meanwhile, hits the spot as does Chandler’s misguided – but nonetheless gasp-inducing – proposal. B

112 THE ONE WITH THE COP – W Teleplay by McCreery/Rein; story by Varinaitis D Andrew Tsao PLOT Joey has a romantic dream about Monica. Phoebe goes power mad after finding a policeman’s badge. HISTORIC MOMENT We discover that during their relationship, Rachel and Ross did it 298 times (Ross kept count). INTRODUCES Michael Rapaport (Bamboozled) as Gary, Phoebe’s man-in-blue fling. CRITIQUE In the oh-so successful slapstick department: The scenes of Ross, Chandler, and Rachel trying to get Ross’ new couch into his apartment. We dare you not to laugh at Ross’ repeated commands of ”Pivot!” B+

113 THE ONE WITH RACHEL’S INADVERTENT KISS – W Reich/Cohen D Jensen PLOT Rachel interviews for a job at Ralph Lauren. Joey has a flirtation with a gal who lives in Ross’ apartment building. Monica and Chandler’s status as steamiest couple gets threatened by the on-fire Phoebe and Gary (who even managed to violate ”section 12, paragraph 7 of the criminal code”). BEST LINE ”She lives in like some hot girl parallel universe or something.” (Mathematically challenged Joey, who can’t locate the exact apartment his flirtee lives in) CRITIQUE Aniston bumbles through the Ralph Lauren hiring process beautifully. Ross’ window shenanigans (he mimes surfing and a shark attack) provide backup guffaws, and it’s all topped off by a sweet speech from Chandler convincing nutso Monica that he’s happier at this stage of their relationship than ever. Aw, shucks. B+

114 THE ONE WHERE RACHEL SMOKES – W Curtis D Todd Holland PLOT Phoebe and Monica are planning a surprise early birthday party for Rachel, who takes up smoking to feel more in the loop with her puff-happy new boss. Little Ben and Joey are up for parts in the same commercial. CREATIVE CASTING Joanna Gleason (Bette) as Rachel’s supervisor. BEST LINE ”You’ve got to push past this, okay? Because it’s about to get sooo good.” (Ex-smoker Chandler, trying to convince Rachel to keep on toking) CRITIQUE The fact that an employee can feel pressured into smoking to stay connected may be a wry social observation, but it’s not exactly the stuff that laughs are made of. Ditto the competitive vibe between Joey and stage-dad Ross. C

115 THE ONE WHERE ROSS CAN’T FLIRT – W Abrams D Mancuso PLOT What little there is involves Joey inviting his Italian grandmother over to watch his stint on Law & Order (too bad he got edited out), Rachel and Phoebe losing one of the earrings Chandler bought Monica, and Ross flirting (horrendously) with the pizza delivery girl. HISTORIC MOMENT It’s M&C’s 10-month anniversary. CREATIVE CASTING Kristin Dattilo (The Chris Isaak Show) as the pizza girl. BEST LINE s Tie between ”I happen to like 8-year-old boys,” and ”You know that smell gas has?” (Two of Ross’ pathetic attempts at starting seductive conversation) CRITIQUE You know that smell a really bad episode has? We all could have got along just fine without ever meeting Joey’s non-English-speaking ”Nonni” (who seems painfully corny and out of place). The episode’s main highlight is getting a peek at Chandler’s secretly videotaped rendition of ”Space Oddity.” C-

116 THE ONE WITH THE RIDE-ALONG – W Goldberg-Meehan/Kurland D Halvorson PLOT Joey, Ross, and Chandler do a tour of police duty in Gary’s patrol car; a gunshot-sounding car backfire prompts Joey to throw his body on his sandwich (leading Chandler to think he tried to save Ross and not him). Rachel hears (and accidentally deletes) Emily’s phone message for Ross, in which she posits a reconciliation (don’t worry, it never happens). BEST LINE ”I’d hate to have to save your life and kick your ass on the same day.” (Joey, to an annoyingly grateful Ross) CRITIQUE What can you say about an episode whose most-fleshed-out plot revolves around a grown man protecting a meatball hero? Oh, we know: You can say, ”Better luck next week.” C-

117 THE ONE WITH THE BALL – W Teleplay by Malins; story by Silveri D Halvorson PLOT Gary wants Phoebe to move in with him. Rachel buys a $1,000 hairless ”purebred, show-quality, Sphinx cat” (dubbed Mrs. Wiskerton). Joey, Ross, Monica, and Chandler (a.k.a ”The Dropper”) throw a ball back and forth for nearly 17 hours. BEST LINE ”A minion of the Antichrist.” (Chandler’s description of Rachel’s new pet) CRITIQUE The ball-throwing thing gives us a chance to spend some good quality time with Competitive Monica, while Gary’s NYPD Blue-esque interrogation of a reluctant-to-shack-up Phoebe tickles the rest of our ribs. B

118 THE ONE WITH JOEY’S BIG BREAK – W Teleplay by Calhoun; story by Goldberg-Meehan D Halvorson PLOT Phoebe is mad at ”fat ass” Ross but doesn’t really remember why (it turns out to be based on a dream). And Joey, who nabbed a lead in a Vegas-based indie film (which isn’t paying him up front), gets super-duper mad at Chandler for not believing this role will actually be the wannabe star’s big break. BEST LINE ”Let’s just say there’s a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio.” (Joey, who purposely ditched Chandler’s sweater vests after an aborted road trip to Vegas) CRITIQUE The bad blood between Joey and Chandler (who wants to say he’s sorry with a basket of porn) adds a sweet tinge of melancholy to the usual guffaws. In fact, when the Vegas film’s financing falls through and Joey plummets from leading man to Trojan-costumed casino underling, the big lug’s plight really pulls at your heartstrings. B

119 THE ONE IN VEGAS PART 1 – W Reich/Cohen D Bright PLOT To celebrate their first anniversary, Monica buys Chandler tickets to visit Joey in Vegas (the rest of the gang tags along). Chandler discovers that Monica had lunch with Richard. BEST LINE ”Love your condoms, my man.” (Chandler to Joey, who’s still working the Trojan gig) CRITIQUE Rachel and Ross hold up their end of the episode by trying to out-embarrass each other on their flight to Sin City. But, alas, Phoebe (who’s still smarting from being left behind on the London jaunt) and Joey (who’s found – God help us! – his ”identical hand twin”) have had better days. B

120 THE ONE IN VEGAS PART 2 – W Malins/Silveri D Bright PLOT The mustache and beard that Ross drew on Rachel’s face during the last ep’s coda won’t come off. Joey still has dreams of making hand-twin millions. Monica and Chandler make up…boy, do they ever. Slot-playing Phoebe has a set-to with a ”lurker” (an old woman who tries to score on the machines Phoebe leaves behind). HISTORIC MOMENTS After being escorted out of the casino, Phoebe is forced to break out the Filangie alias again. Oh yeah, and Ross and Rachel get married. BEST LINE ”I am a human doodle.” (Rachel, bemoaning her ink-stained mug) CRITIQUE Not even Joey’s continued hand-twin craziness can mar this most excellent episode. The jaw-dropping surprise of watching Monica and Chandler throw caution (and a hard eight) to the wind and decide to get married that very evening would have been plenty, but when a wasted Ross and Rachel exit the chapel instead – well, don’t even get us started. A-