Here are the season-ending sleaze awards
What a long, strange trip it’s been. And how appropriate that the ”Temptation Island 2” finale should fall on none other than Valentine’s Day. Okay, there’s nothing appropriate about that considering we’re not sure these couples even know how to spell love much less experience it. In the end, we got lots of wet eyes, quivering lips, and talk about ”journeys” and ”connections.” Not only that, we finally got our first two ”Temptation Island” breakups, and they…were… AWESOME!!!!! In the first, after Mark informed Kelley that he and Debbie ”made out a lot” but that he still wanted her even though she was ”lacking some things,” Kelley told the loser to take a hike. This was excellent in itself, but the follow-up was even better, as Mark simply threw her a tissue and then walked off. Dissed on national television. Priceless.
In the other one, Tommy fell on his own sword and said he and Nikkole should break-up because he was holding her back. Nikkole seemed to agree. They then proceeded to debate as to the exact position of a woman’s crotch in relation to Tommy’s face. They must’ve resolved the dispute, because we’re later told they’re back living together. Edmundo and Catherine, however, made it out of Bonfire together, but broke up before they left the island. This was good news, because it meant we still filled our quota of two relationships destroyed. Thanks, guys.
So in honor of an excellent season of drinks and debauchery, we present our official EW.com ”Temptation Island 2” awards: The Tempties. (We would’ve called them ”The Temps,” but that sounds too much like that lame Lara Flynn Boyle movie, so we’ll stick with The Tempties.)
Dumb and Dumbo Mark, who fancied himself a stud muffin, yet appeared ready to fly away at any second thanks to his enormous set of lobes.
God’s Gift to Modesty Magalie, who announced that Mark must be either impotent or gay after he failed to make a move on the limber lap dancer.
If at First You Don’t Succeed…Dress Like a Gay Banana Tempter Tom, who made big time plays for Genevieve, Catherine, and Kelley, only to get dissed for the final dream dates. Of course, showing up for the big decision in yellow overalls probably didn’t help matters.
If at First You Don’t Succeed…Throw the Other Guy in the Pool Rossi, who saw his lifelong dream of making it with a boob-job bimbo wash away when Catherine dumped him for shirtless and studly Brian. Rossi retaliated the only way a drunken and discarded loser knows how — by pouring beer on the new guy’s head and tossing him in the water.
Ridin’ the Crazy Train Genevieve and Shannon (tie). Both dragged their boyfriends to Temptation Island, and then realized they were lucky to even have beaus in the first place. Genevieve insisted she and her sheep…oh, excuse me, Tony, leave immediately, while Shannon undertook her own private letter writing campaign, which leads us to…
Reality TV Host or Private Eye? Mark L. Walberg, who, flashlight in hand, scoured the Bonfire bathrooms searching for Shannon’s hidden notes. (Isn’t this what interns are for?) Proving he had an excellent sense of humor about the whole thing, Walberg read portions of the intimate love letters…ON AIR!!!
Who Are You Again? Juleby, Kaine, Chad, Aaron T, Aaron S….?
Who Are You Again? Part II Anna Maria, Donna, Meredith, Kishi…?
Worst Backhanded Complimenter Tommy, who explained his rationale for picking Katie as his Dream Date by explaining that she was basically the biggest loser left and that he felt sorry for her. No wonder he didn’t show his sensitive side more often.
MVP (Most Valuable Playa) A tougher decision than you would initially believe. Tommy was an early frontrunner, but then he caught wind of his girlfriend making it with a firefighter, and proceeded to wuss out. Speaking of Nikkole, she made a late-season push for the award by giving us our only apparent on-screen sex scene, but for her it was a simple case of too little too late. Plus, her reluctance to engage multiple partners hurt her candidacy. Catherine, on the other hand, had no such problem juggling jocks. By our count, she made out with three different dudes during her stay (Edmundo, Rossi, and Brian). Plus, she was quite the media darling, with the camera was always stuffed so far down her cleavage, you needed a road map to get out. Her late push (not to mention push-up bikini) made the race close, but she was unable to sustain an entire season worth of sleaze as our man (and hers) Edmundo was. We’d tell you how many babes he swapped spit with, but to be honest, we lost track after week two. His most masterful stroke was seducing slutty blonde Hilary (okay, that didn’t take a lot of skill), and then telling the homewrecker to pack her bags so he could continue to sample some of the other Island fruit. Not only that, but after it was all over, he somehow got his clueless girlfriend to take him back! (At least for a few hours.) Well played, Edmundo, well played.