1 SIMON & GARFUNKEL They sang together for the first time in years at the Grammy Awards. Now how many more years will it be before they speak to each other?
2 ROBERT BLAKE The court let his preliminary hearing be televised. Maybe they were looking for a break from reality TV.
3 KELLY RIPA Regis’ effervescent cohost has given birth to a baby boy. She was so relentlessly cheerful during labor the doctors had to give her something to induce pain.
4 CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE Jet Li and DMX try to solve a jewel heist/kidnapping. It’s the joke-free version of Rush Hour.
5 WHAT NOT TO WEAR The TLC show in which fashion snobs make fun of how normal people dress. We used to call that ”high school.”
6 DA ALI G SHOW A British comedian sandbags the likes of Newt Gingrich on HBO. Isn’t there an American who could do that?
7 MARDI GRAS So, what are you giving up for Lent? Flashing your boobs? Having sex with complete strangers? Yard-long daiquiris? Oh, right – beads.
8 PAUL MCCARTNEY He played a birthday party for a million dollars. Yoko’s?
9 MIKE TYSON The wacky, fun-loving boxer had a large Darth Maul-like design tattooed on his face. He’s hoping it will make him look less scary.
10 IDITAROD This year’s plan to spice up the revered 100-mile Alaskan dogsled race? Expert commentary from the winner of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.
11 JANE PAULEY She’s quitting NBC News after 27 years. But she’s still young – she could go get a real job.
12 MAFIA A party game making the rounds of literary New York in which you have to figure out who are the secret mobsters in your group. Not so popular in New Jersey.
13 MARRIED BY AMERICA The ever-tasteful Fox network will profile a bunch of eligible singles and let home viewers pick their mates. Something they would hate if their mothers did it.
14 BUSTA RHYMES His empty SUV was shot full of holes while it was parked on a Manhattan street. First order of police business: figuring out how he found a parking spot.
15 PHIL DONAHUE MSNBC yanked his low-rated snoozefest after six months. It will be replaced by the much more exciting Alan Greenspan Speaks!
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