Gillian Flynn
June 10, 2003 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”Hulk,” ”Dumberer” — we rate the new movie trailers

In theaters June 13
New Line tweaks its ”Lord of the Rings” franchise with elaborate gilt lettering announcing ”The Greatest Saga of All Time, from the Very Beginning,” then drops Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels doppelgängers Eric Christian Olsen and Derek Richardson through the ceiling of their high school. The genius thing about this ”Dumb” prequel trailer is it makes you giggle while giving away very little (not that there’s likely that much to give away). All I know is that Harry meets Lloyd (although I guess I knew that from the title) and that they get hit, kicked, flipped, and burned — and might benefit from some Bean-O. Sold!
Grade B

In theaters June 20
He’s supposed to be a terrifying personification of rage. Instead he’s kind of bouncy and lovable, like the lost Mario Brother. If he drove, he’d drive a Cabriolet. That kind of Hulk. Which is problem one. But the trailer also suffers from a profoundly meaningless tagline: ”This summer,” the narrator whispers, ”when you’re left with no choice, when you’re pushed too far, don’t just get even. Get mad… and unleash the hero within.” Dear Universal: If you’re putting that little thought into your pitch, you’d better dazzle us with more interesting visuals than a few upturned cars and Nick Nolte, skulky and unkempt. (Hey Nick, Grizzly Adams called — he wants his beard back!)
Grade D

In theaters June 27
Exposure. Infection. Epidemic. Evacuation. Devastation. The words flash, then images: a man with a shaved head stumbling through London’s empty streets, a chimp beating on its glass cage, a woman tearing through a mansion in a red dress, a car paused at the entrance of a black tunnel. And, oh, yes, jittery, red-eyed zombies. ”There’s something in the blood,” says a voice. If the trailer’s this flesh-crawling, how do we sit through the movie?
Grade A-

In theaters July 11
I’ll admit the trailer for this Sean Connery vehicle boasts some cool images (a group of bats melds into a woman’s figure, a man’s face floats like a half moon above his body). But unless viewers have read Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill’s clever graphic novel, on which this movie is based, they’d have no idea that the gang is made of legendary characters like Captain Nemo and Dracula’s beloved, Mina Murray. That’s the reason the League is so Extraordinary. Otherwise it’s just the Mod Squad. But older.
Grade C

In theaters July25
I love Angelina Jolie’s hot, hot bod, especially in that Crofty silver scuba suit thingie. If more attractive actors donned wetsuits, I think we could save the summer movie. Sadly, the trailer is less of that, more of…plot stuff that I didn’t understand. Seems Lara (whose misadventures seem to include a bad self-tanning job) is searching for Pandora’s box, along with some guy from prison who’s maybe Irish, and there’s a big holographic map that delights small Asian children. Why the small Asian children? Dunno. Maybe the Irish-looking guy explained — I couldn’t understand a word he said. The whole trailer had a very mid-’90s vibe. I kept hoping Bruce Willis would leap in, screaming, ”Yippy ki-yay, motherf—ers!” Thus the trailer inspired me…to rent ”Die Hard” on video the weekend ”Tomb Raider” opens.
Grade D+

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