Dalton Ross
July 17, 2003 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Scott, we hardly knew ye…

Sure, we’ve seen a boatload of addictively annoying reality shows this summer, but they can all take a backseat to the undisputed KING of addictively annoying reality shows, as ”Big Brother” is officially back!!! Okay, it’s been back for over a week now, but I was on vacation so I’m just catching up. And oh, is there a lot to catch up on. I knew this season was gonna be gangbusters when Julie Chen led off the first episode with ”Let’s get this party started!” Julie Chen. She’s hilarious.

And the party barely HAD started when Scott (the balding dude in all the cheesy hats) made like Justin from Bayonne in ”BB2” and starting throwing chairs all over the place before walking out of the house. (He must’ve run out of hats.) This whole sequence was flat-out awesome, but what’s even awesomer (I realize that’s not a word, but work with me) is what they DIDN’T show you on TV. Apparently, according to EW staffer and ”BB4” webcam addict Lynette Rice, not only did Scott yell at people and toss furniture, but he also started telling everyone about his…GENITAL WARTS!!! Probably not the best gaming strategy there, Scott-O. Like it matters. He’s gone anyway. So is his ex-fiancée, Amanda, who added insult to injury by sleeping with another guy (Dave the Army ranger) after Scott left/was kicked out.

What about the other contestants? Well, Junn keeps saying that everyone is looking up her skirt, Michelle looks too much like Tara Reid to be taken seriously, Erika is always sobbing, Jee will let anyone with a pair of scissors chop off his hair, and Jack gives all his housemates wacky labels like ”daddy’s girl” and ”mental ass kicker.” Then there’s Southern hunk Nathan who has all the ladies in a tizzy. And how could they not be when he dispenses sweet pickup lines like ”I’m just smelling you, yo”? (That one was to Alison, who alternates between explaining why she hopes her boyfriend doesn’t break up with her, making out with Nathan, and saying that she’d sleep with her in-house ex Justin again.

So, in other words, this season already rules. I mean, I don’t know how down I am with the cheesy ”X Factor” thing, and it’s pretty damn lame to determine the second Head of Household winner by asking a question about how many days old Amanda is. But these clowns still seem up to the task of entertaining us boob-tube sadomasochists for a couple of months. Just as long as they don’t show Josh from ”BB3”’s Playgirl spread again. Even we have our limits.

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