Lillian Morris: Monty Brinton
Josh Wolk
November 06, 2003 AT 05:00 AM EST

They brought back WHO?!?!

So Burton and Lil are the two Outcasts back in the game. Burton I can see: He did lead their ousted tribe to victory. But Lil? What was the thought process there: ”Who will we be proudest to represent us and show that we’re not losers? How about the grown woman in the Boy Scout uniform!” Why not crown her with some Mickey Mouse ears before sending her back? Now THAT would really teach Morgan that the Outcasts are not to be messed with!

Other than Burton, there really wasn’t anyone else who made a great case to be sent back to the game. Nicole said she was a bad apple, and that could work to her advantage. Yeah, that really worked the first time? when she was voted out BEFORE a grown woman in a Boy Scout uniform. Michelle’s platform was that it would be awesome for a cute little girl to beat everyone: so she was going for the irony vote? And Skinny Ryan campaigned on his love of the game: Sure, he weighs 13 pounds and has proved utterly useless at all challenges, but hey, he has Gervase’s autograph at home!

The morning after Burton returned to Drake, Rupert immediately pulled him aside to set things straight, telling him he dinged Burton because he made fun of his skirt and plumber’s crack. Come on, Rupert, be reasonable: when is the last time you saw the words ”man’s skirt” and ”plumber’s crack” NOT in the same sentence with the word ”mock”? Add a big hairy guy into the mix, and you’re just asking too much to stay quiet. But Rupert did give a touching speech about how Burton reminded him of all the bullies who used to tease a young, fat Rupert. Under all that hair, Rupert is just a troubled teen himself, isn’t he?

Somebody needs to get rid of Rupert fast. Sure, we’d all like to see him win, but it wouldn’t be ”Survivor” if the obvious, deserving winner and strongest player skipped right to Tribal Council. Considering he has dominated nearly every challenge so far (take that, childhood bullies!), the other players would be wise to take him out sooner rather than later. Plus, we viewers will all get more entertainment value if he gets axed: he’s sure to let out a wail and start smashing the Tribal Council stage. The other players and Jeff Probst will have to beat him back with their torches like townspeople battling Frankenstein.

Now, Lil may dress like a halfwit, but she played like at least a three-quarter-wit. Her response to Andrew’s pleas to vote with Morgan was perfect, especially when he asked her to at least tell him who she was voting for before Tribal Council, and she said, ”Did you tell me?” Go get ’em, Lil! Granted, she was probably emboldened by Rupert lurking over Savage’s shoulder, giving her the stink eye, Rupe-style. I think he was trying to give her support, but he looked kind of threatening: I expected him to pull a Boy Scout out from behind a tree and hold a knife to his throat, whispering, ”Stick with us, Lil, or the Webelo gets it right in the neckerchief!”

So Lil stuck with Drake, and took out Savage. Now I wonder if we’ll have to endure three predictable weeks of Tijuana, Ryan O., and Darrah getting voted out to finish off Morgan. (Then again, perhaps Drake will forget Darrah exists, and accidentally leave her to the last two. ”Wait, who’s she? I thought she was part of the shelter!”) However, if Burton is smart, he’ll convince the leftover Morgan to join him and Lil, then they could take out Rupert and the rest of Drake.

So the game might get dirty from here on in. However, in our real world, everyone seems to be at war either with guns or with words, so wouldn’t it be nice if the Survivors set an example and actually bonded together one week, put their differences aside and worked together for the common good? And by that I mean throw that jackass Johnny Fairplay out of this game. Oh, what a wonderful world that would be.

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