Jim Mullin’s Hot Sheet for the week of Dec 12, 2003
1 CELEBRITY MUG SHOTS Michael, Wynonna, Glen. Sick of paying the high cost of publicity stills? Get your local police department to take them of you for free.
2 DECORATIVE BUMPERS One big, macho SUV sustained $2,000-plus damages in a 5-mph crash test. The good news is that the butterfly it hit walked away.
3 TIGER WOODS The world’s No. 1 golfer just got engaged to a Swedish model. Who says beer commercials can’t come true?
4 CHRISTMAS TREES A fresh tree just screams Christmas. It also screams ”$15 a foot! What are you, crazy?!”
5 THE LAST SAMURAI A disaffected Civil War veteran changes sides after absorbing another culture: Dances With Sushi.
6 THE SIMPLE LIFE Pampered celebutantes Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie spend a month working on a farm. Call me when they’re on a chain gang.
7 NIELSEN RATINGS The networks want to know why nearly 8 percent fewer young men are watching prime-time TV. You mean they’re not glued to Trista and Ryan’s wedding?
8 MEAT LOAF The hefty singer who collapsed on stage due to a heart condition is set to go back on tour. He has, however, changed his name to Poached Fish.
9 CHARLES LINDBERGH Three sibs claim to have DNA proof that the world-famous pilot fathered them with his German mistress. So that’s why he was so hot to fly across the ocean solo.
10 HONEY The story of a young, beautiful woman’s struggle to become a rich, young, beautiful woman. It’s not like stuff is just given to them — sometimes they have to lift their little finger.