Brian Hiatt
February 01, 2004 AT 05:00 AM EST

Frankie shows why she’s the ideal girlfriend

[Fear not, gentle reader — Josh Wolk will return next week. In the meantime, I did my best. Sort of.]

Laugh if you want, but Frankie really IS a good girlfriend, as she defiantly proclaimed herself towards the end of this week’s episode. So what if she says she “cheated on almost every boyfriend I’ve ever had”? So what if she cuckolded her current flame via a drunk, slobbering hookup with scraggly-bearded, hoop-earringed mumbler Adam?

What’s really important is that immediately after that coupling, she called her boyfriend, Dave, and said, ”I love you.” Sure, the next thing she said was something like “EEEEEUHHH,” and then she passed out for eight hours without ever hanging up. But she made sure to call first, and that was really thoughtful. And as she so sagely put it, ”if you get drunk and make a mistake and have sex with someone, that?s not cheating.” But it IS totally fun!

Meanwhile, Cameran — who, by the way, also thinks Frankie is a great girlfriend — spent the whole episode moaning over baseball-cap-boy Brad’s failure to respond to her flirtations. One culprit might be her main wooing method: ”kicking him in the balls.”

”You’re misinterpretating [sic] the situation,” Brad told Cameran after she caught him tongue-wrestling a random house visitor. Cameran said he was a ”typical boy” who was ”thinking with his penis,” and he looked confused — perhaps because he had no idea any other organ might be helpful in cognition.

Later, at what Brad called a ”hookah bah,” Cameran pulled him into a bathroom, where he finally tried to kiss her, away from the camera’s oppressive gaze. ”Bra-ad! No-hoh,” Cameran cried mid-smooch, only to emerge from the powder room with a gleeful smirk. A rare vindication for that testicle-kicking strategy.

Oh, and one more Frankie quote: ”It?s not fair for me to do the things that I do that I think are OK, and later on be confronted with them because he thinks they?re not.” I’ll drink to that. Where’s the cheap champagne?

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