Jim Mullin’s Hot Sheet for the week of Feb. 13 2004
1 JANET JACKSON’S BOOB BOO-BOO I am outraged. I was busy downloading cheerleaders gone wild and missed the whole thing.
2 THE GRAMMYS A judge says R. Kelly can go as long as he stays away from Michael Jackson. Isn’t it underage girls like Joss Stone and Hilary Duff he should be staying away from?
3 JAMES BROWN Who’s doing his hair now? Nick Nolte?
4 ASHTON KUTCHER The 26-year-old hints he’s resorted to taking Viagra. How long before Demi starts thinking about dumping him for a younger guy?
5 RUSSELL CROWE The Aussie dislocated his shoulder training for the upcoming boxing movie Cinderella Man. Probably hitting a reporter.
6 JOE ESZTERHAS The arrogant, overpaid, blowhard author of some of the all-time worst films has written a self-serving, tell-all, name-dropping memoir. Look in the history section under Slime.
7 ROBERT BLAKE He strangled a version of ”Over the Rainbow” in front of reporters covering his murder trial. Which will bar him forever from going to Sing Sing.
8 MIRACLE A movie about the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team that teaches kids an important lesson in sportsmanship. That you have to be rude and unpleasant to win.
9 JOHN KERRY Republicans wonder if he has what it takes to be President. Does he have the guts to give millionaires tax breaks and fight a war with the wrong guy?
10 WESTMINSTER KENNEL CLUB DOG SHOW The Super Bowl of dog shows. The big difference is dogs behave better and the locker rooms aren’t so messy afterward.