Jim Mullen
February 27, 2004 AT 05:00 AM EST

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of Feb. 27, 2004

1 SEX AND THE CITY FINALE Shouldn’t it have been called Shoes and the City? The only person who got any real love on that show was Manolo Blahnik.

2 ”RING OF FIRE” The family of Johnny and June Carter Cash won’t let a hemorrhoid-remedy company use the song in its ad. ”Quick, can we get ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’?”

3 A-ROD How can the Yankees afford the highest-paid baseball player? ”Right here, get yer $20 beer and yer $15 red-hot!”

4 KIEFER SUTHERLAND The 24 star had to get six stitches after a barroom brawl. They sewed his mouth shut.

5 KEN AND BARBIE Toymaker Mattel has announced the two dolls have broken up after 43 years together. He found her in bed with G.I. Joe.

6 THE KING OF PAUPERS Michael Jackson may declare bankruptcy? Dammit! All that time we spent coaching the kid to say Michael abused him is just wasted.

7 WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT Ray Romano runs for mayor of his small town against an ex-President of the U.S. This is a comedy unless you live in Crawford, Tex.

8 ROBERT DOWNEY JR. He had a strapping image of himself tattooed on his bicep. I told a guy with a giant, fire-snorting dragon on his arm about it and he said, ”What a weirdo.”

9 COURTNEY LOVE The behaviorially erratic singer, who’s fighting for custody of her daughter, missed an unrelated court date. It’s not a good sign that she’ll show up for PTA meetings.

10 BLAME CONAN The late-night comic insulted the good people of Quebec by calling them the worst thing you can call a Canadian. He called them Newfoundlanders.

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