Billy Crystal: Mark J. Terrill/AP
EW Staff
March 01, 2004 AT 05:00 AM EST

Best (and Worst) Comeback
Billy Crystal
”I’m Billy Crystal. I’ll be your Master and Commander tonight.” With that quip, Crystal returned for his eighth stint as Oscar host and his first return to the podium in four years. After his trademark montage of nominated films (with his likeness Gumped into the footage), he launched into his trademark musical medley about the five Best Picture candidates. The segment seemed to flail about in search of an ending, but you have to give Crystal and his writers credit for the ”finery/winery” couplet (about the Coppolas), the ”Seabiscuit/brisket” rhyme, and the line ”Sméagol pops out like the right boob of Janet.” If only the rest of the show had been that outrageous.

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