Jim Mullen
March 26, 2004 AT 05:00 AM EST

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of March 26

1 CONGRESS They’re cracking down on potty-mouthed DJs across the country, with proposed fines of up to $500,000. If that doesn’t help the uninsured and the unemployed, what will?

2 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND Jim Carrey uses a machine to erase his memories of an old girlfriend. Can we borrow it to erase our memories of The Majestic?

3 MARCH MADNESS Ah, what amateur college athletics is all about! Betting and beer commercials.

4 GAS PRICES It’s more than $2 a gallon in California. So, to save money, we tow the Hummer behind the RV.

5 EAU NO! Britney Spears will be developing her own brand of perfume. ”It’s fabulous! You can smell like you’re chewing gum even when you’re not!”

6 DAWN OF THE DEAD Mindless undead zombies attack a shopping center. As if getting out of the mall parking lot safely isn’t tough enough.

7 BARBRA STREISAND The famously perfectionist star has agreed to play Ben Stiller’s mom in Meet the Fockers. Or, if she has script approval, his younger sister.

8 GEORGE FOREMAN He’s hawking a line of men’s clothing with expandable collars and waists. For the man who thinks he’s supposed to drink the grease that runs out of his grill.

9 TAKING LIVES Gorgeous FBI profiler Angelina Jolie searches for a diabolical serial killer. Which raises an interesting question: Can an unattractive woman ever be a profiler?

10 GEORGE MICHAEL The ’80s star says that from now on all his new music will be available completely free on the Web. Couldn’t get anybody to steal it, huh?

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