Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of May 7, 2004
1 MICHAEL JACKSON No one knows why he replaced his legal team. But can his new 13-year-old lawyer really handle a case this complex?
2 THE MONA LISA Louvre experts say the 500-year-old painting is deteriorating. It’s starting to look like the Mona Liza.
3 FRIENDS The hit show is finally calling it quits after 10 years, with a one-hour special sure to move many people to tears. Especially the NBC programming chiefs.
4 PROSTI-TOTS The new word for 10-year-olds who dress like hookers. Par-imps, the new word for the parents who let them.
5 BILLY JOEL The Movin’ Out composer has wrecked his third car in two years. One more and he automatically qualifies for a New York City hack license.
6 MARTHA STEWART Her brother tried to sell stuff like her old sewing machine and her first chocolate pot on eBay. How tacky. It’s her new stuff we want to bid on.
7 BOBBY JONESSTROKE OF GENIUS For older moviegoers, a film bio of the ’20s golfing great. It’s billed as an action movie in Lake Havasu City and Boca Raton.
8 HOW SLEAZY CAN WE GET? The Paris Hilton sex tape will be available for rent this June. It’s $2 an hour or $10 for the whole day.
9 DON JOHNSON The Nash Bridges star has filed for bankruptcy so the bank can’t sell his Aspen ranch. Donations can be made to the Celebrity Lifestyle Relief Fund.
10 MEAN GIRLS The film details the many ways high school girls make life miserable and unpleasant for their classmates. It’s practice for marriage.