Joshua Rich
May 14, 2004 AT 04:00 AM EDT

EW pitches in to find the MPAA’s next top dog

On March 23, MPAA head Jack Valenti announced he’ll step down this year. So far, Rep. Billy Tauzin and Sen. John Breaux, both of Louisiana, have reportedly declined offers. While a search firm is currently on the case, we thought we’d lend a hand.




National motion picture trade assoc. seeks distinguished individ. for position of pres. and CEO. Candidates must be versed in congressional lobbying, name-dropping, and how many F-bombs constitute an R rating. Must look good in a tux. Applicants need D.C. and Hollywood connex to help combat movie piracy. Job duration and pay neg. (previous empl. held position for 38 yrs., with a current salary of $1 mil.-plus annually). Ability to bring ShoWest convention to grinding halt with boring speech a plus. Silver hair helmet not required. Serious inquiries only, please.

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