Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of May 21, 2004
1 AMBER & BOSTON ROB The Survivor loser is just after her money. Wake up, Amber! If Rupert had won, Rob would have proposed to him.
2 MICHAEL MOORE Disney has refused to distribute his anti-Bush film Fahrenheit 911. They probably won’t touch his next movie, Roasting Michael Eisner Over a Slow Fire, either.
3 DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS The consolation prize you get for not being good enough to be on TV during prime time.
4 $250 RUNNING SHOES Adidas has figured out what’s the matter with today’s running shoes. They don’t cost enough.
5 BREAKIN’ ALL THE RULES Jamie Foxx writes a book that teaches men how to break up. Asking your girlfriend to pick you up a copy while she’s out should do it.
6 TROY Brad Pitt stars as Achilles, the Greek hero with the trick heel. Based on Homer’s 2,800-year-old epic poem The Iliad. And The Terminator.
7 SUPER SIZE ME A documentary of what happens to a man who goes on a strict diet of fast food for a month. And for a limited time, get a free voodoo doll of the director with each Happy Meal.
8 LA-Z-BOY The recliner company has hired edgy fashion designer Todd Oldham to jazz up its line. Passing out in front of the tube has never been so chic.
9 A DAY WITHOUT A MEXICAN A movie asks the question, Could California survive if all its immigrants disappeared? First, who would be governor?
10 FAT MICE Scientists have found a drug that makes fat melt away on mice. So you no longer have to put them on the South Beach Diet.