1 MISS UNIVERSE Call it what you want, but they all look a lot like Earth women. From the ’50s, but still from Earth.
2 MADONNA She’s started her Re-Invention Tour. Want to really reinvent yourself? Join a klezmer band.
3 THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW Absolutely nobody will listen to a paleoclimatologist’s dire predictions of global warming. Except a couple of movie producers.
4 WORLD SERIES OF POKER Twenty-four hundred gamblers are going after a $5 million pot. Which they all need to pay off debts to friends and family.
5 SOUL PLANE Rapper-turned-actor Snoop Dogg plays a pilot for a hip-hop airline in this new comedy. We didn’t think he could get any higher.
6 AMERICAN BANDSTAND The country’s oldest teenager, Dick Clark, and the creator of ”American Idol” have hooked up to resuscitate the old dance show. Prompting many kids to ask, ”What is a bandstand?”
7 AVRIL LAVIGNE The ”anti-Britney” has released her second CD. Wouldn’t the anti-Britney be, like, Tom Waits?
8 PEANUTS AND… After much deliberation, the Yankees have decided to sell Crunch ‘n Munch instead of Cracker Jack this year. Next on the agendapitching.
9 SAVED! A movie about not-so-angelic life in a Christian high school. Face it, how is ”Going to Hell” going to look on your permanent record?
10 GAS PRICES It’s so bad, for the first time they’re offering a rebate on Hummers. Not the ones they sell the government, of course. They’re not idiots.