1 BRITNEY SPEARS She blew out a knee making a music video. In future concerts she may lip-synch from backstage while a double dances for her.
2 THE TERMINAL Harmless Tom Hanks is a foreigner living in an airport because he doesn’t have the right papers to enter our country. It’s only the bad people we let right in.
3 SPEAK! A scientific study says dogs can understand about 200 words. The only ones they can’t learn: ”No!” and ”Get down!”
4 MILK While no one was looking, prices shot up to as much as $4 a gallon. No worries, plans to invade Denmark are under way.
5 SEX AND THE CITY TBS is airing a toned-down version of the comedy. It’s pretty much the same, except that they don’t swear, don’t have sex, and wear burkas.
6 FLY-IN TIE-INS Some want the John Wayne Airport in Orange County to change its name to The O.C. Why not? As long as it’s right off the new Entertainment Weekly freeway.
7 AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS Jackie Chan helps a 19th-century adventurer complete an impossible feat. It’s hard to travel when you suffer from hot-air-balloon-lag.
8 METHOD & RED A new sitcom about two rap stars who move into a mansion in a ritzy suburb. Many of their neighbors have never seen a stretch riding mower.
9 VAN HALEN The boys say they’re happy to be back touring with Sammy Hagar again. Please. They split up and recombine so often they should call themselves ”The Chromosomes.”
10 DODGEBALL Sleazy health club owner Ben Stiller takes on a team of geeks for $50,000 in prize money. Which is one dollar for every getting-hit-in-the-head-or-the-crotch gag.