Jim Mullen
July 09, 2004 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1 SPIDER-MAN 2 Peter Parker is having trouble juggling college and saving the world from a mechanical multi-armed maniac. So, drop Spanish and take Pop Culture 101.

2 FAHRENHEIT 9/11 This may usher in a new era. Why pay movie stars $20 million if the President will work for free?

3 THE AMAZING RACE 5 The contestants always seem stunned that not everyone speaks English and won’t drop everything to help them. And that’s just in New York and L.A.

4 DICK CHENEY He said ”f — – yourself” to a senator. He wasn’t swearing, just articulating Bush’s foreign and domestic policies.

5 BRITNEY SPEARS The pop princess is engaged to a dancer whose last girlfriend is expecting their second baby this month. What a catch!

6 LOLLAPALOOZA This year’s tour has been scrapped due to poor ticket sales. No one wants to pay to wallow in self-hate anymore? What’s happened to us?

7 TOUGH CALL Research says carrying a cell phone in a hip holster may reduce a man’s fertility. Not carrying a cell phone may reduce his chance of having sex at all.

8 DE-LOVELY Kevin Kline stars in a film bio of composer, sophisticate, and stylish bon vivant Cole Porter. And they didn’t offer this to Vin Diesel first?

9 POCKET BIKES Fans claim the popular mini-motorcycles beat the traffic and get good mileage. Which saves you time and money on your way to the hospital.

10 FOURTH OF JULY Get out and have a good time. Don’t let the fear of Lyme disease, West Nile, terrorist alerts, UV warnings, deadly grill flare-ups, riptides, and shark attacks keep you inside.

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