Jase Wirey: Tony Esparza
Lynette Rice
August 13, 2004 AT 12:00 PM EDT

”Big Brother”: Alpha male Jase gets punk’d

I apologize, Nakomis. I had you so wrong. I thought you were just a funny-looking girl with a couple of bad tattoos when you?re really a bohemian badass who could win this stinking game. Nakomis’ ”six-finger plan” could just go down as the shrewdest move in ”Big Brother” history — a brilliantly maneuvered strategy that sent a psycho out the door. She nominated for eviction two of her allies (instead of two enemies, as people usually do); they went on to pick two more allies to compete for veto power. Whoever won would remove one of the allies up for eviction so Nakomis could nominate the biggest threat, Jase. As a bonus, they all conspired to fix the veto competition so that it would be Jase’s former ally Drew who stuck in the knife.

Why Jase, Nakomis? Because he ”lies, he cheats, and he pees on stuff.” Good enough for me. Damn, Sister Pink Hair is good. Smart, too. Who?s her half-brother again? Oh, I forgot — only a blood relative of Cowboy would say ”awesome possum” to Julie. What the hell was that? Whatever. It?s all cool beans.

That doesn?t mean I won?t miss Jase, the ”volunteer firefighter” from Illinois. I’ve always liked my houseguests evil with the tongue of a snake, just so we can enjoy those holy-crap moments like when Jase walked in on sniveling Diane so he could tell her to Kiss His Ass! Holy crap!

And speaking of holy craps, how ’bout the post-eviction moment when Jase’s former house cuddle buddy Holly breezed into the ”BB” studio to give Crazy Boy some love? Jase couldn?t act his way out of this one! (You guessed it, folks — Jase is really just a struggling actor.) Talk about looking uncomfortable. As Holly nuzzled against him on that couch, Jase couldn?t have leaned any farther away from her if he were lying on the floor.

Unfortunately, the flip side of Nakomis? brilliantly conceived plan is that we pretty much know what’s going to happen next: Fellow Gay Mafia member Adria took Head of Household this week, so Cowboy?s the next to go, with Marvin or Karen as the pawn. Until that happens, perhaps we should keep ourselves busy by predicting the next twist. Some goobers on the Internet thought that Scott was secretly married to Diane (I said goobers, didn?t I?) or that somebody in the house is a transsexual (no, I don?t make ’em up). The flashback scenes to Alison, Justin, Erika, and Jee (gee, I miss Jee) made me think a ”BB4” houseguest could stage a surprise comeback, but that seems kinda unlikely. Besides, ”BB4”’s Scott likes to pick boogers, and the last one just left the house. Man, that was awesome possum.

Anyway, what would be cool beans for you?

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