Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of Aug. 20, 2004
1 SHREK 2 OUT ON DVD SAME DAY THAT PIXAR’S THE INCREDIBLES HITS THEATERS
This is a tough one, kids. You might want to begin begging your parents starting right…NOW!
2 JESSICA SIMPSON TO PLAY NFL’S KICKOFF CONCERT
So, basically the NFL has traded an exposed breast for a ”stinky ass.” That makes sense.
3 THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2: ROYAL ENGAGEMENT OPENS
Dear diary, I sorta want to catch this teen chick flick, but I’m not a teen, and I’m not a chick. So my interest could be seen as a bit creepy. For the love of Anne Hathaway, what to do?!?
4 HALLE BERRY SAYS SHE’S INTERESTED IN MAKING A CATWOMAN SEQUEL
Is this some sort of wacky nine lives thing? Because if so, we are all in serious trouble.
5 JANET JACKSON TO GUEST-STAR ON WILL & GRACE
We would say the ”stinky ass” was busy, but that brings up all sorts of disturbing images.
6 SEINFELD COMING TO DVD
Included are deleted scenes, blooper reels, an alternate version of the pilot, and cast commentaries – which is a lot of somethings for a show about nothing.
7 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN LEADS TOUR TO UNSEAT PREZ BUSH
Apparently New Jersey’s Boss doesn’t like the country’s big boss man. How early-’90s professional wrestling powerhouse the Big Boss Man (best known for something called the ”Boss Man Slam”) feels about all of this remains unclear.
8 JACK BAUER TO GET A GIRLFRIEND ON 24
At least until she gets amnesia, forgets she’s his girlfriend, ends up caught in a bear trap, and generally just starts to unravel at about hour 15.
9 OPRAH SIGNS ON THROUGH 2011
She deserves it.
10 PARIS HILTON’S HOME ROBBED
She deser…oh, we kid ‘cause we love. But not really.