Tina Jordan
September 24, 2004 AT 04:00 AM EDT

Sex! Drugs! The media’s had a field day with Kitty Kelley’s revelations of alleged affairs and cocaine use at Camp David in The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty. But who has the time — or for that matter, the inclination (they’re not the Kennedys, after all) — to excavate Kelley’s enormous Bush family history? Actually, we do. EW tunneled through all 634 pages to locate the juiciest tidbits in the book the White House has condemned as ”a book filled with garbage.”

George H.W. Bush

Page 479 — Called his mother every day.

Barbara Bush

Page 437 — Dressed to visit Jerusalem’s Holocaust museum in a flowered housedress and sandals.

Page 474 — Refused to shake Jane Fonda’s hand when the actress came to the White House with then-husband, Ted Turner.

Pages 274-275 — Stumped for literacy but didn’t have books in her own home. ”The New Yorker‘s Brendan Gill, who once visited the family compound in Kennebunkport, Maine…tried to find something to read late at night. After investigating the entire mansion, he found one book: The Fart Book.”

Page 534 — Sold her used gowns to White House staff.

George W. Bush

Page 258 — Gave the stickball teams at his prep school, Andover, names like Crotch Rots, Trojans, and Nads.

Laura Bush

Page 620 — Read a poem aloud at the National Book Festival that she said her husband wrote for her. ”Hah!” he told friends, ”Never heard the damn thing before tonight!”

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