The Bachelor: Bob D'Amico
Tom Conroy
October 27, 2004 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”The Bachelor”: How to lose a guy in two episodes

Cheresse said it best: ”When I first got here, I looked at all these beautiful women . . . and I thought, ‘How are they all not married?’ And now I know why!”

Case in point: poor insane Jayne. She had already won her place in the Reality TV Psycho Hall of Fame with her slumber-party meltdown last episode, in which she berated the bemused Byron after he sneaked off to console Mary. This week she gave early signs of recovering: She was all polite and bipolargetic with the other girls, even claiming that she didn’t know that Byron had left with Mary.

But the calm didn’t last long. Jayne told the camera about her frustration with Byron’s dating other women (on a show in which he’s supposed to date other women!), then she resolutely declared, ”I cannot drive myself crazy with this.” Oh, yes, she could. When Mary got a new dress and shoes for her solo date, Jayne looked like one of Cinderella’s stepsisters watching the glass slipper slide on. And after Jayne’s own unsatisfying date with Byron (she explained her lack of physical responsiveness by saying, “Growing up, we were not a huggy-kissy family”), it was Orange Alert time again. Back in the women’s shared bedroom (that’s always an ideal set-up for domestic tranquility), she defended her refusal to talk about whether she had a good evening. ” I didn’t ask you about your [word that not only has to be bleeped out but also requires digital blurring of the speaker’s lips] date.”

Then, it finally happened. Since episode 1 of this season, The Bachelor has been teasing us with promos showing one of the women fleeing the house in her pajamas and, presumably, getting eaten by a pack of wild coyotes. ”What happens will shock you,” the announcer promised tonight. It turned out it was just Jayne sneaking over to Byron’s room, where she failed to persuade him to let her sleep over. No death. No coyotes. No sex even. (”I knew I couldn’t stay,” Jayne whined to the camera, ”but in dreamland I wish I could.” And in dreamland, pathological neediness is attractive.)

To his credit, Byron refused to listen when the other women tried to badmouth Jayne. More to his credit, he was perceptive enough on his own to non-rose her out of the house (along with Andrea, who had seemed such a promising candidate for house nutjob — she was the one who already owned fabric for her wedding dress, remember?).

”I feel betrayed,” Jayne grumbled to the camera. ”He verbalized an interest in me on several occasions.” And in saying goodbye to Byron, she revealed an uncanny ability to be bipolar within the space of just four words: ”You lied,” she whispered. ”That’s okay.”

What do you think? Is Jayne the best reality-show wacko ever? And which of the remaining women is most likely to freak out next?

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