Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of Nov. 26, 2004
1 U2 INDUCTED INTO NEW U.K. MUSIC HALL OF FAME
Bono responded by commenting, ”I want to go and kill myself now…. I hate the idea of being in the U.K. Hall of Fame.” Which I’m sure is just the endorsement the Hall was looking for.
2 STAR JONES GETS MARRIED
The good news is that she won’t be able to talk about it on TV anymore. The bad news: Now she gets to tell us all about the honeymoon.
3 MICHAEL MOORE PLANS FAHRENHEIT SEQUEL
This time it’s personal! (I guess in his case that’s not so shocking.)
4 JUSTIN AND CAMERON ACCUSED OF ATTACKING PHOTOGRAPHERS
Who to feel sorry for? The rich and beautiful celebs? The hounding paparazzi? Or me for actually having to write about this junk?
5 BOB MARLEY MUSICAL IN THE WORKS
Producers hope to bring it to the stage in 2006, depending on issues like casting, set design, and how many doobies are smoked.
6 MICHAEL JACKSON CALLS GERALDO RIVERA TO THANK PROTESTING FANS
What’s he doing with Geraldo’s cell number in the first place? Do they have playdates? Playdates probably wasn’t the best choice of words.
7 BEN ROETHLISBERGER STILL UNDEFEATED AS QB
Hell, I’m just amazed I spelled the dude’s name right.
8 DONALD TRUMP GETS GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR ”WORLD’S TALLEST RESIDENTIAL BUILDING”
Maybe this will give that sniveling wallflower the ego boost he so desperately needs.
9 JUSTIN GUARINI EXITS BEACH BOYS-THEMED MUSICAL
Well, at least he still has his hair. Oh…wait, that got cut too.
10 USHER WINS FOUR AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS
Michael called Geraldo to say he thought Josh Groban was flat-out robbed.